1. I had a glimpse of depression a few years ago when I had gallstones and kidney stones at the same time (ouch!) and then my MS kicked in. And then my hormones plummeted. With therapy and medication it soon passed and I never want that dark cloud hanging over me again. I have family members with clinical depression and their lives had been marred by it. Mark’s story resonates and I hope he continues to talk about it, with you and friends. It is a horrible way to live.

    Thanks for writing this, Margaret. Such an important conversation to have.

    1. I’m so glad the depression subsided Cathy, and I’m pretty sure that you worked hard for that. Gall stones, kidney stones and MS, all at the same time. Whew…Oh plus hormones. It’s so hard to see someone you love go through this and not know how to help themselves. Mark is doing a great job – his last session, he made a step toward making those connections between his past and the present, so that he can understand more of what’s going on now. Thanks so much for commenting and revealing so much about yourself.

  2. Until now, I’d never heard of Perfectly Hidden Depression. Bravo to this man for seeking help, and bravo to his sharing with a buddy. In my experience, both are rare examples of men asking for help. I’m glad he found you. Brenda PS: Hope you’re healing well.

    1. PHD is a term I have created Brenda, to explain a syndrome, or group of behaviors that tend to be found together. I have written about it now for around a year and a half. The response has been phenomenal. This patient has done very well. He’s worked hard. Thanks so much.

  3. PHD…I live like this, have done for a few years now. I have a lovely husband and 3 children (2 flown the nest), I am a health care professional working part time and studying post graduate now. I won’t lie, it’s not a great situation and it feels so wrong but if I address the permanent resident black dog my fear is my whole world will fall apart. I have been there before, about 4 years ago and it was horrible. Everyone tip toes around you. I read and reread the post, intrigued that it’s a “thing”. I would be interested to know how others have worked through it. There must be a way, without having to go public, it’s just so humiliating. Margaret, I would be interested in reading other pieces you have written about this.
    Another topic of interest to me is the elderly parents and the difficulties us midlifers have managing our aging parents who have no intention of being managed by us and have poor insight into their needs.

    1. Hi Annabel. I have written several other posts on the syndrome of PHD — they can be found on the website under the tag “mental health/trauma”. I am in the process of writing a book, which I hope will be published within the next year or so. There’s a lot that needs to happen there. Thanks so much and I hope you consider seeking some kind of treatment. There’s a book that was written for men called ‘I Don’t Want To Think About It” by Terrance Real — that might be helpful for you. Good luck. Dr. Margaret

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