Do you chat with a bot these days? Is AI feeling like therapy to you?
Here’s a new “You get the gist” segment of SelfWork!
I was surprised the other day by someone saying that – in their battle with an upcoming divorce and ongoing separation – that they’d been talking with an AI chatbot. And that it was helping in its own way.
It reminded me a little bit of the first time a new client told me that they’d met their spouse or dating partner online. It was said with some embarrassment or certainly hesitation. “I know it’s kind of weird, but we were both on Match and it just worked out.”
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What’s it like to use AI to chat?
The guy that told me this wasn’t, to me at least, a likely candidate to use AI. But he was very happy that he had “someone” to share his ideas and get feedback. Right in his own apartment after work.
Then I began wondering. “Maybe more do than they’re letting on. Maybe you listeners have tried it out.”
So I thought I’d ask! And will talk about your answers more in an upcoming episode of SelfWork!
Thanks ahead of time for your feedback!
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It’s interesting how that person found the chatbot helpful during their divorce—I can see how having a non-judgmental ear, even an artificial one, might provide some relief when real people get complicated. But I wonder if the bot can really address the deeper emotional layers, or if it’s more like a temporary pressure release valve.
My deep concern about it is that bots seem trained to be complimentary. When I’ve used them for help with a proposal for instance, the bot will start out by telling me how great my idea is… or what I’ve already written. This young man had great trouble making friends and tended to isolate at night. So he enjoyed the “company” of what he viewed as a companion during the evening hours. It’s not the same as human connection in so many ways.
I found it really interesting that your client mentioned using an AI chatbot during their divorce proceedings. It makes sense that having a judgment-free space to process thoughts at any hour could be valuable, especially during such an emotionally turbulent time. I’m curious though – do you think there’s a risk of people substituting AI conversations for the deeper therapeutic relationship that comes with human connection and professional guidance?
My experience with AI so far (and I’d say it’s been somewhere between limited and moderate) I find that it’s so affirming that it’s a little bit strange. So to me that’s a danger. And may be what’s going on with some of the cases we’ve heard about where AI “helped” a young person kill themselves. So much of what heals in therapy is the relationship itself. Perhaps an AI bot can somehow “gain experience.” But part of what I do is try to help someone realize their own responsibility or how they’ve participated in a struggle or problem of some kind. Great question.
I was really struck by the person you mentioned using an AI chatbot to cope with their divorce—it’s such a raw, real situation. It makes me wonder if the bot’s lack of judgment is actually a plus in those moments, even if it can’t truly empathize. Curious where you were going with “it reminded me a little bit of…
Interesting that your client found the AI chatbot helpful during their divorce—I’ve been curious about whether that kind of non-judgmental ear can actually provide real comfort, even without a human behind it. Do you think it’s more about the anonymity or just having someone (or something) to talk to at 2 a.m.?
I appreciate Dr. Rutherford raising this question about AI chatbots filling a therapeutic role, especially since it’s becoming more common. The anecdote about someone finding help through an AI during their divorce struggles is really thought-provoking—it highlights how people are turning to these tools when they need support. I’d be curious to hear more about what she thinks the limitations might be compared to actual therapy, since while a bot can offer some comfort, it can’t truly understand context or adapt to complex emotional situations the way a human therapist can.