1. Hi Dr. Margaret,
    In a marriage, everyone has their “tasks.” This is good so no one feels the other is doing nothing to help while they are doing everything. I agree. You shouldn’t lose the romance.

    1. Great point Janice. You bet that that can lead to all kinds of resentment. When that happens, we therapists call that an overfunctioning/underfunctioning couple. It’s actually not healthy for either person. Thanks for commenting!

  2. That’s a fantastic feeling Rena, isn’t it? When you can’t wait to get home to be with someone… Good for the two of you that you’re doing the work it takes! I’m so sorry about your mom… that grief has been in my life as well, and is very difficult. So glad you have the partner you do…

  3. Dr. Margaret.
    My husband and I are separated for 6+ months now. He ran – is avoidant – over basically no reason other than he cannot address conflict. We never fight but he has resentments he can’t talk about. Right now, we do communicate some. We lead very similar lives and want similar things but he can’t see how compatible we are. He only sees the differences. How do we entertain a reconciliation? It’s a second marriage and I am crushed.
    Thank you,

    1. Hi Kim. I got your voicemail as well and will be using it next week for the SelfWork podcast. I’m so glad you both wrote and sent a voicemail as I think you didn’t sound “crushed” in the voicemail but can hear that you are. I’m so sorry that his behavior/choice has hurt you – and yet, I can also understand that the inherent “deal” of being with him is that you must avoid conflict as well. I’d suggest going into therapy yourself to try to understand and then decide what you really want and what sacrifices you’re willing to make. I’m remembering the old adage, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Even if that makes you sad. Good luck to you. Warmly Dr. M.

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