When Valentines Day Might Break Your Heart
Does anyone in New Orleans celebrate Valentines Day?
I’ve always wondered. It’s so close to Fat Tuesday. Parades are already rolling down crowded streets. Beads are heavily laced everywhere you can wrap them.
Who cares about hearts and roses?
Maybe Valentines is not so special in beignet land. It’s not all that great for a lot of people. Whether you despise the commercialism or are not a chocolate fan to far more serious reasons.
I have had various experiences with the holiday.
I was Valentine Queen in the 2nd grade for my class. Much later I suspected my mother had rigged the whole thing, hearing something about a stuffed ballot box.
Received one memorable box of chocolates. In the 4th grade from my (now friend) Mark. Immediately after receiving the delicious edibles, I broke up with him. Whatever that meant in the 4th grade. Absolutely despicable on my part.
There have been other remembrances since, both given and received. Nothing too big time. Sweet, simple things.
There have been years when I was alone. Which can be a positive thing for many. And was for me for several years. I needed and wanted to be on my own.
Other years, I was in such a painful relationship that the day only heightened my emptiness. I just wanted it to be over so all the commercials would go away.
Maybe you have lost someone this year that makes even breathing seem tremendously difficult.
Rather than hardening your heart to protect yourself, to shield yourself from being sad, or angry, you can give yourself the gift of compassion.
We think about compassion as a response to others’ suffering that causes you to want to help. To do something. To act. We see that in community after community in the US. When disaster hits. People come out of the woodwork to help one another. Ones not so devastated help those whose lives were torn apart.
If you can acknowledge your own circumstances, allow yourself to recognize what anyone would feel given your situation, then you may be more likely to do something for yourself. Something loving. Kind.
Or just fun.
Compassion toward yourself is a wonderful gift.
This doesn’t mean you feel sorry for yourself. Quite the opposite. You objectively recognize and respect what you are trying to cope with, and give yourself a hand. Some way, however small or large.
Your Valentines Day may not be the giddiest or the most romantic you have experienced.
But it doesn’t have to go by unnoticed.
Because you exist. And have value in and of yourself.
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We DO celebrate Valentine’s Day here in New Orleans — or NOLA, as we say. Today we’ll be doing so on the parade route!
That is do good to hear! Wish I were there! Have been to a few Mardi Gras celebrations in my day. Have fun and thanks for writing!
Such beautiful advice Margaret. Happy Valentine’s Day!
And to you Nancy. Thank you.
Love the grade school stories! I have some similar ones. Startled by affection we break up with the adoree! And of course, the opposite, 8th grade, Dial boyfriend walking up my sidewalk, me awaiting something special, but only received a large V Day card “I just want to be friends”. Took a long time to get over that but I love what you say: compassion for self, beautifully articulated in your post. Also, I have decided that Valentines are all the people we love and that has made all the difference!
I believe that as well Deborah. That Valentines commemorates all of our loving relationship. And that 8th grader obviously didn’t know what he was doing. Thanks for writing and for the beautiful photography.
Love the grade school stories! I have some similar ones. Startled by affection we break up with the adoree! And of course, the opposite, 8th grade, Dial boyfriend walking up my sidewalk, me awaiting something special, but only received a large V Day card “I just want to be friends”. Took a long time to get over that but I love what you say: compassion for self, beautifully articulated in your post. Also, I have decided that Valentines are all the people we love and that has made all the difference!
Lovely. It is a big week and I would imagine Valentine’s day gets a bit overshadowed in NOLA when Fat Tuesday is just days away.
A checker at Trader Joe’s on Thursday asked me how my day was going and I in turn asked him how was his. He told me Thursdays was his date day with himself. He takes himself out for lunch or a hike or a movie because he realized he has to be good to himself. I was surprised this 20 something dreadlocks, pierced, tattooed guy was so insightful to his well being.
Sounds like we can learn a lot from that guy! Thanks Haralee so much.
I can’t get past that you were the Valentine’s day Queen in 2nd grade. I love that!
I would give back the crown if I could find it. Guess my teacher and my mother thought I had a self-esteem problem. I was a little weird. High- strung as we call it. Thanks Carol!
I cannot imagine you ever being alone…thank you for the reminders. Love to you
You can be alone in a lot of ways as I am sure you know. And I have experienced a lot of them. You are welcome and my gratitude to you for writing.
Dr. Margaret Rutherford, Clinical Psychologist/Author
Helping You Believe In Yourself
p:479-443-3413 | e:askdrmargaret@146.66.99.73 | w:http://DrMargaretRutherford.com | a: 202 North Locust, Fayetteville AR 72701