What Will You Remember From Your Holiday?

What will you remember from your holiday?

We know what advertisers want us to think is important to be remembered. But they’re not right.

As I tried to stay afloat in the sea of holiday traffic this week, I was listening to the radio. What I heard was a constant barrage of, “Do you know what makes the holidays great?” Or, “This is a must for your holidays!” All with the incessant backdrop of sentimental Yuletide music and jingle bells.

I turned it off.

At this juncture, I have a fair number of holiday seasons under my belt. Whatever they were trying to sell me wasn’t going to make my day great or cause my holidays to be the best ever.

 

Your holiday can bring emotional pain to the surface…

The holiday season can be very painful for those who don’t have any childhood memories (or very few)  of anything safe, pleasant, or exciting happening within them. In fact, those memories remain shrouded in sadness or anger, while expectations of “togetherness” around the holiday table act as triggers that have to be managed.

Others are estranged from family for very good reasons, and going “home for the holidays” is the last place they want to be.

There are others who are too worried about the heating bill or the price of eggs and have little to no time or resources to create some kind of special occasion.

The two most important intangibles for me during the holidays…

What makes a holiday special for me, however, isn’t tangible. It’s not what is bought or what is given. There are two things that are much more important than the dinner or the party, what you served or what you didn’t serve, what you wore or didn’t wear.

You don’t have to be hemmed in by the Thanksgiving gathering you don’t particularly relish going to – or you don’t go at all. You can create your own gathering.

Why?

Because I believe that there are two things are available to anyone who might choose to spend holiday time with friends, neighbors, family, coworkers – anyone who may also benefit from a sense of togetherness, especially appreciated after the ravages of the pandemic.

First, what you feel from being with the people you choose…

Many different and welcome emotions can be experienced.

Feeling the easy laughter of long-time relationships, or the gentle pleasure of creating a new one. Experiencing an excited rush as you catch your first glimpse of someone you haven’t seen in far too long. Risking a first step in creating a relationship that may have the potential to grow. Sensing the warmth of tears welling in your eyes as a toast is made in honor of someone who’s no longer by your side. Sharing a toast to begin a new tradition. Watching with gentle amusement as your now-adult children try to coax their own children into settling down for a nap. Smiling as you hear an elder’s stories about what their own “best” memories have been.

Second, making the effort.

When you put effort into creating a time to be together – again with the people you choose – that effort means something.

It takes effort to travel. It takes planning to put together a big meal for several people. It’s work to decorate, to put up lights or try to make sure favorite rituals still happen.

Knowing that both your favorite and your not-so-favorite relatives will be arriving at the same time? That can require both patience and a sense of humor, neither of which is necessarily readily available during the holidays. Making sure to Invite the person at work who told you they didn’t have a place to go and helping them feel at ease?  You went out of your way to be kind and generous, often at a time when your own energy level is compromised.

Those efforts don’t always go swimmingly. Maybe your tree will look kind of puny, maybe your rolls won’t rise. Santa will bring something in a too-small size, and you’ll silently vow to lose a few pounds. Or maybe there are things going unsaid that will tug at your heart, or the weather won’t cooperate and and your turkey will be stone cold when your guests arrive.

What cannot be taken away…

The feelings can still be felt. The effort will have been made and appreciated – no matter the outcome. .

No one can take those intangibles away from you.

Happy Holidays to each one of you.

 

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here! Welcome!

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