The victim mentality or emotional martyrdom are personality traits that are very difficult to handle in relationships. It’s when someone people pleases to the point of intense self-sacrifice, which leads to bitterness, misunderstanding and drama. At its base is immense insecurity, but it takes a lot of insight for someone with this mentality to see themselves and their impact on others objectively. Today I’ll describe the major characteristics and what patterns of behavior someone who is in a relationship with an emotional martyr may observe.

This episode is airing on what is an important day for me. Perfectly Hidden Depression, my book on breaking free from damaging and destructive perfectionism, is available as of today in both paperback form and as an ebook or Kindle. You can read more about it and order here! 

To celebrate, we’ve updated SelfWork a bit – a new cover and a slightly new name, The SelfWork Podcast. Simply a freshening up of what has become one of my favorite ways of reaching out!

Today’s listener email is from a young mom who is struggling with depression after the birth of her fourth child, but she’s calling it “yearning to be alone.” We’ll talk about how postpartum depression can be something you shame yourself for, rather than for the condition that it is.

Important Link:

Article from Your Tango by Nancy Carbone

You can hear more about perfectly hidden depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Photo by Tess Emily Seymour from Pexels


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