Five Ways To Cope With FOMO

Today I’m going to offer five ways to cope with FOMO, or the fear of missing out.

Here’s a fascinating description of what FOMO can feel like from a well-researched article by JWTIntelligence:

“FOMO is the sometimes energizing, sometimes terrifying anxiety that you are missing out on something absolutely terrific. It could be a TV show, it could be a party, it could be a gadget, it could be that really good burrito from the food cart. The important thing to keep in mind with FOMO is that it’s not just a state of mind; it is also a physical reaction. So as a FOMO sufferer, I can report sweating, itching, pacing and compulsive refreshing of my Twitter feed.” –BIANCA BOSKER, Senior Technology Editor, The Huffington Post.

While the notion of not wanting to be left out is nothing new, it’s far more common now with social media. What was once private is now very public. In your morning Instagram feed you see your friends’ “perfect” latte art from the hippest coffee shop in town. In the afternoon, there’s another friend and their “perfect” children at the park…and in the evening, there’s a cocktail party across town to which you weren’t invited.

You’re obsessed. You have to know. You can’t calm yourself.

 

You’re afraid.

Below are a few quotes from my own patients over recent years:

“I can see from her SnapChat that she went out with all of our friends. Even though I ended the friendship with her, I still feel left out.”

“I felt good about going home for the weekend, and just hanging out, until I saw my ex-girlfriend’s selfie at the beach.”

“I text my friends constantly, and am so afraid when they don’t text back, that they’re having fun with other people, and they don’t want me to know.”

Before anyone goes off on a rant about the good old days, predicting the downfall of our culture on social media addiction, let’s not forget that insecurity, worry over irrational things, or constant comparison with others have been well-entrenched emotional problems for quite some time. Perhaps the potential comparisons can be greater in number – or more powerful  – due to actually seeing pictures of a breathtaking sunset at the beach or a fun party.

The back story of all those “wonderful” times…

I traveled to China a few years back, taking advantage of a niece who was studying there for a year. I’d never get a chance like that, so I took it.

The trip was amazing, and I’m very thankful for the experience. Yet it wasn’t all enjoyable; I was shoved to the ground twice by men getting off an elevator. Chinese bathrooms were interesting, often a hole in the floor and that was it. Lots of flies. I peed in a field or two.

What am I trying to say?

There’s always a back story. The party that looked like a blast? Someone got too drunk and threw up, perhaps on your SnapChat friend. The breathtaking sunset? It was amazing, but that same day, the waters had been exploding with jellyfish.  The selfie of me and the Great Wall occurred before the panic attack — I was sweaty, but happy to be there. There were no pictures of someone throwing up, jellyfish bites or panic attacks.

You’d never have known… but if you struggle with FOMO. you’d be frantic.

Our thinking, rational self, realizes this.

We know that our friends love us and that not everything is at it appears. We know that bad stuff happens to everyone. And good stuff happens to everyone.

An obvious resolution of the problem is to stay off social media. And certainly, there are people who decide just that, or to limit it greatly.

Fear and insecurity can still lurk at the edges of your psyche.

Five ways to cope with FOMO…

1) Worst case scenario.

This means simply asking yourself, “So what would I do if the worst thing I can imagine is actually true?”  You’d live through it, and learn something.

2) Reveal and find out others’ struggles.

You’re not the only one who’s worried about this kind of thing.  So admitting, “You know, I don’t know why when you don’t text me back, I get worried that I don’t matter to you anymore… I feel embarrassed to say that to you.” What will likely come back is reassurance and an admission of being too caught up in her own life to text back.

3) Block the irrational and replace with rational.

Do some writing, and identify what you’re telling yourself that’s obviously not rational. Then write down a replacement of that thought, one that is rational. You may need help with this at first, because fear can make the irrational feel normal.

4) Do active work on your own identity and goals.

“What do I want my life to look like in six months? In a year? What area of my life do I want to explore more — my spiritual self, my physical well-being? Where do I want to go?”

5) Don’t be paralyzed by having to make the right choice. 

People get paralyzed by needing to know that they’re making the right choice. You can’t know if it’s right until you live it.  If you make a choice that a year from now is not turning out like you thought, so be it. You’ve learned and changed along the way. That very process will help you make a more mature choice this time.

 

You can hear more about perfectly hidden depression and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

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