The Role Blame Plays in Tragedy

Blame isn’t wrong.

When a tragedy happens, we want to feel as if we can answer the question “why.” We want to find out who or what is responsible.

We’re already hearing vehement, even vicious, debates about blame in the aftermath of so many deaths caused by the floods in Texas. Many children died or cannot be found (at the time of this writing).

And there’s no greater tragedy than that fact.

But blame also serves another purpose when faced with tragedy, and in some ways, a protective one. Blame keeps you angry – pointing your finger at everything from political decisions to cultural beliefs to regional differences as the “why” of such monumental and frightening loss.

It’s a huge distractor.

And you don’t have to feel as much fear. Or helplessness. Or grief.

 

But where does blame stop?

I’ve worked with many parents whose child or children have died, caused by medical mistakes to suicidal overdoses to freak accidents. And those parents want to know why. Of course they do. Do you blame the person who sold their child the drug or the friends who left him alone? Do you blame the drunk driver or the car manufacturer? Or do you blame the doctors or the nurses or the hospital itself whose care may have been faulty?

Where should the blame stop? With God? With yourself?

Anger is a part of grief. Blame involves a search for responsibility.

What I’ve learned from my clients whose child has died is this: No amount of blame brings their child back to them. Yet those whose responsibility it was or is to be aware of mistakes made or how at least in theory – this tragedy and others can be avoided – need to take that responsibility.

That’s probably not one person. Or one policy. Or one region.

Please be aware of what you can do. Of who you can reach to offer support or help. Or of how you can help these parents and communities, and others like them.

Looking for blame may protect you –  in the short run. Yet in the long run, grief and sadness are waiting for you.

Other offerings from Dr. Margaret…

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

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