5 Remedies For The Midlife Struggles of Menopause and Depression

Dr. Margaret focuses on the midlife struggles of menopause and depression; how to determine what exactly you’re feeling and five helpful remedies. 

The year the world turned 2000, I was 46. Midlife was upon me. But so was perimenopause. 

A few people were stockpiling water and supplies, zealous about the world as we knew it coming to an end, while others were impatiently awaiting spectacular fireworks on New Years Eve, toasting one another gaily with Dom Perignon (or perhaps a less pricey variety of the same beverage).

Me?

I made sure I had three months’ supply of Lexapro — just in case the first group was on to something.

Perimenopause was governing my world. I managed at work but my husband couldn’t do anything right. My mood could turn melancholy or dark at the drop of a hat; Lexapro was a godsend for all that and more.

I’d been clinically depressed once before in my life, but this was different. Then I’d been very unhappy for external reasons. But now I was happy in my marriage, delighted to be parenting our six year-old child, and working in a career that I I loved. Objectively there was no reason for me to be depressed.

 

Understanding the Struggles of Menopause and Depression

So, how much of this change was due to menopause and how much to depression?

I could argue for either.

The obvious menopausal symptoms, like hot flashes, were indisputable signs my body was going through change. While some physicians say that menopause doesn’t cause depression, the hormonal shifts are very real. 

But on the depression side, I had the same nagging anxieties about becoming older in our culture as so many women do — and was beginning to handle fears about how I might be perceived as an “older” woman in our culture. The foundation of our family was changing as my parents’ lives sadly became smaller and smaller. Friendships came and went. Responsibilities increased. And I was juggling work with family. 

Whatever the reason, it’s a fact that women aged forty to fifty-nine have more depression than any other demographic. And what’s even more attention-getting and frightening, according to the National Institute of Mental Health data for 2023, women between the ages of aged 45 to 64 years have the highest rate of suicide. 

The issues that midlife can bring seems to be getting harder for women to cope with – and even survive. So what can women do who are either approaching midlife or are right in the thick of it?

Menopause and Depression: Five Remedies That Will Help

You already know the basic ones — exercise, good nutrition, not isolating, and keeping up with friends and family. But what are others that may be less obvious?

Learn a new skill…

This may seem crazy-making. “When am I supposed to learn to something new when I’m taking care of aging parents, am the chauffeur to my youngest kid, and have to make sure my oldest does the stuff he needs to do?” Here’s the idea. There’s much letting go that happens in midlife — letting go of parents on one end of the spectrum, letting go of kids on the other, and letting go of your youth right in the thick of it.

So if you’re also moving toward something fresh and new, even if you take tiny baby steps, it can balance out the loss you may feel. Take an online course. Sign up for a newsletter. Listen to a podcast. Start writing your memoir. Pick up a paintbrush, or a hammer. Dust off those running shoes, or purchase a pickleball racket. You’ll be empowered by knowing your life is growing.

Find a mentor…

Many of us may not have a woman who we look up to — someone who we see handling aging powerfully and well. But if you look around, you can generally find someone. Perhaps she’s in the women’s business club or she’s your neighbor who’s always out walking. And if your friends are frantic about aging, find others that aren’t and who instead are handling the challenges in way that’s optimistic. Listen to and seek women who are taking the opportunities to flourish as they age.

Journaling and meditating… 

This can be a ten-minute activity, but if you take the time to express and honor how you feel and what’s going on in your life, it often can be key to moving through sadness or loss. Or you can spend that time learning to focus your mind through meditation as well. It’s amazing the difference you can make by expressing emotions and growing more mind power.

Finding purpose and confronting fear…

This is huge. Especially if your life has been centered on your children, then beginning to reinterpret how you’re going to use your time can be fun — if you don’t fear it. Sometimes you have to work to discover it, or set out to carve this meaning from something that you value. A good question to ask? “What have I enjoyed or been drawn to that I’ve never had time to investigate?” Or, “Is there a part of me – maybe my spiritual side, maybe my physical side — that I’ve ignored and would love to connect with more?” 

Consider confronting whatever childhood issues may still be haunting you…

Therapy can help all of the above, as you process and talk about how you want to handle midlife. But part of that journey can be looking at what you’ve been carrying around — and not addressing. Moving into midlife happily may very well mean letting go of shame or grieving what you need to.

You can’t confidently step into what’s next if you don’t let go of what’s holding you back.

 

By the way… 

Send me a message about what your own childhood was like!! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!