2013-11-05 14.39.54I grind my teeth at night.  I was in denial of this fact until several years ago when a big chunk of tooth fell off.  At that point, I had a retainer-like thing made that I wore every night.  Made me sound like I had an awful lisp when I talked, but it kept the grinding from doing damage.

I lost that maybe two years ago.   Of course.  Made the mistake of bringing it down to the kitchen in the early morning.  I will probably find it one day in the back of a drawer.  It was clear and hard to see.

I had decided since I was out of menopause, my son Rob was gone,  I was now relaxed, easy-going, and no longer a grinder.  So I never went back and got fitted for another one.

I have a great dentist.  Kenton Ross.  He informed me at my last visit I needed three crowns.  Because I was still grinding my teeth and I had cracked three.  I was aghast.  “Three?  Three crowns?”

“And another retainer”.  He smiled that smile that only dentists can smile.

I felt 11 again.

It took all afternoon yesterday.  First thing.  It’s so much better than it used to be.  My gosh, I remember absolutely loathing going to the dentist as a child.  I didn’t care about the sucker at the end.  I didn’t even like suckers.  The only cool thing was the water that spun around in the sink.

They don’t have those anymore.  Unsanitary.

2013-11-05 16.11.49

The infamous drill. If someone ever fixed the sound this thing makes, they would make a fortune!

Two shots.  Taps.  Drills (the absolute worst part).  3-D pics of my teeth – fascinating really.  Pushes. Tugs.  Wait a while.  Pour a little concrete.  Tap and tug some more.  Polish.  And two of the three are done.

It is fairly amazing how dentists develop the ability to understand what you are saying when you have all that junk in your mouth. Maybe they really don’t and are just placating you.  What jokes to dentists tell about their patients?  I would love to know.  I always personally wonder if I look like a horse, as I am trying to keep my tongue out of the way.  I am just trying not to slobber all over myself  or choke, and get it over with.

How do obsessive compulsive or socially anxious people handle all this?  Wearing goggles that other people have worn.  Sudden intense puffs of air in your mouth.  Two people staring into your face intently.  Well not at you, necessarily.  It’s hard to know where you should look really.  At the ceiling?  At them?

I get to go back and try to figure that out soon.  In December. What a grind.


I know what I want for Christmas.

A retainer.


Thank you to all the dentists and dental hygienists in the world who put up with all of us!  If you enjoyed reading this, please send it on and thank you for reading!!! If you are in the dental profession, and want to share some of those jokes, please feel free to do so!