Let me say first and foremost, I didn’t know Anne Burrell personally.
But when I heard that she’d died by suicide, I sadly wasn’t surprised.
Why?
Because of the noticeable similarity between what I read about her from her friends and colleagues at Food Network with the back stories of so many people that have contacted me during the last decade, as I’ve learned and written about perfectly hidden depression.
Take the words of Alex Guarnaschelli. “She loved her friends and cats fiercely and didn’t let a second of life go by without savoring every last bit.”
Rachel Ray, a bridesmaid at her wedding, called Anne a “rockstar,” “strong, vibrant, fearless woman,” and “so full of life and love”.
It’s wonderful to be strong and vibrant and a rockstar. Savoring your life is joyful.
But every second?
When I read these things, I thought of the many people who’ve said to me, “I’m “on” every second of every day.” That’s an immense amount of pressure.
And it can be very lonely.
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“I wish I had your life…”
Here’s an example. A man I worked with, who identified strongly with perfectly hidden depression and who’d been hospitalized for suicidal thoughts, said this: “People come up to me all the time. And say things like, ‘How do you get everything you do… done? I wish I had your life. Your family is perfect!’ They have no clue what it’s really like to be me.”
His real story was one of high achievement financially and socially. But he’d grown up in a family that prized achievement and didn’t allow “problems” to surface. So, he’d learned to keep his mistakes secret. And those secrets had gotten so out of hand that he’d considered suicide.
Anne herself said many funny and realistic things about food and about life. She was best known for “Brown food tastes good,” meaning to get those grill marks on that piece of meat or some luscious vegetable or leave something in the over a little longer than might be your habit.
But she also said, “I am everywhere, and I’m tired of me.”
I have no idea about what was Anne Burrell’s reality.
I loved watching her cook and laugh and compete. We all will miss her.
I hope she had someone who knew her. And maybe she did. She certainly made many comments about the love she had in her life that was very meaningful to her.
Yet I join the many who are sad that she is gone. The friends and family who loved her will be in all our thoughts. They have much to go through and need support and affirmation.
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As a mental health professional with the privilege that comes with that, kindly reflect on the disservice you do to others by commenting on someone you don’t know and never met. Maybe engage in some reflexivity on what you are trying to achieve by doing so. If it is for subtlety promoting your own work, maybe consider doing that in a more responsible way. Just my thoughts
Thank you for those thoughts. For the last decade, I’ve been writing and researching those that have seemingly perfect lives. Yet who die by suicide. My purpose is simply to provide a potential explanation for what may seem very confusing. And for all of us to realize… that because someone doesn’t “look” in turmoil or “depressed,” they may still be struggling. That message is what’s important to me. And I write about it with that motive and no other.
As someone with obvious hidden depression. Highly successful, but with adulation, your comment is arrogant, cryptic, and idiotic. I’ll take help online, or anywhere I can get it.
In this one life that we get it’s hard not to wonder. Wonder about all the missed signs or even just the patched up exhaustion that’s assigned to each one of us through this existence. Personally this post gave light to what many might feel but won’t say or maybe people will label it insensitive because they didn’t personally know her. I grew up watching her and was enamored by her fierceness but of course that was just on the surface. Sadly I know how it feels but her individual experience was too much, in return causing this result. It’s sad but I hope that maybe just maybe she found relief. But also I hope that she can find peace because what’s done is done. And not saying that in a cynical way but in a way to push hope through this existence that maybe just maybe in another life she doesn’t have to feel this way ever again. Wishful thinking but damn. Life can be too much then nothing at all. It hurts. Thank you for this post.
I know it has been a year, but I am still heart broken about this. Can not again watch her shows; saw one advertised today and it made me cry,
People are so very hard on themselves and it does not help that society piles on. She was delightful and I will miss her. As the loved one of a person I absolutely adore, who was treated for suicidal ideation, I told them point blank, if you leave me like that I will be broken forever. You are so valuable, warts and all. I love you, love yourself, you deserve it!
Anne you will be greatly missed by all of your fans and sadly I’m sure you (not intentionally ) have left an irreparable hole in the hearts of your loved ones. May they have peace and may you rest and find yourself in the arms of the Lord. You are still loved.
What a beautiful tribute to Anne. I like you totally enjoyed her energy and passion. And good for you to tell your loved one that suicide would affect you so deeply. Sometimes when you’re that despondent and feel as if you’re trying to bear what is unbearable, you need to be reminded of who is suppporting you, as youo say “warts and all.”
This is so true, and a great observation on your part.
I carry deep pain, regret and grief and there is no happiness in life for me. I live with it everyday and no one knows. I am on medication for mental illness, take great care of myself and give off a silly, goofy vibe.
I understand when people choose to take their lives and view it as a personal decision that we shouldn’t judge. I would never do it, but being the walking wounded isn’t any fun.
none the less, I persist!
Thanks for your post