Can Success Exist Without The Pressure of Perfectionism?

Today we’re focusing on success and perfectionism.

They’re highly interwoven, aren’t they? If you’re a perfectionist, the success of your efforts is very important to you. But you can feel overwhelmed by the demands for success that you place on yourself while you’re also determined to seem successful in others eyes. 

Yet perfectionism demands that you never allow anyone to see your struggle.

Maybe you’re a college athlete who’s being carefully watched by professional scouts. Or a young mother who’s been promoted at your job, but you stay up til 1:00 am to get that very work done. Perhaps you’re the attorney who has an almost perfect trial record, and now you’re attracting more and more difficult, time-consuming cases.

The pressure is intense. Yet not meeting these high expectations is something you can’t even imagine… and that you fear. 

And this fear can relentlessly feed your perfectionism.

 

 Can you tease perfectionism out of success… 

Can you even imagine being successful without trying to do things perfectly? Here are three reasons why it’s hard.

1. The definition of success varies from person to person. Thus you may never be quite sure how high the “bar” is for success.  And the same is true for perfection.
2. Success can look easy to others. The hard work behind your success is often not understood. The same is true for doing something perfectly.
3. Once you become a “success,” more and more is usually expected of you. Maintaining success can become something that rigidly governs your life. And… the same is true for doing things “perfectly.”

Fear is what keeps perfectionism alive. You can be hyper-vigilant about staying on top, of looking like you have it it all together, of making mistakes that will be noticed, of rejection or judgment. Or you can obsess about being as good or hopefully better than you were last time. 

The list can go on and on.

Can you be successful without perfectionism?

Maybe the question should really be, “Can you be successful without fear?”

Yes you can.

There’s a huge difference between what’s called “constructive perfectionism” and “destructive perfectionism.” The latter is heavily task-oriented and stays locked into being “perfect” and successful with everything they touch. It’s often fueled by fear and even hidden shame. And it’s like being on a treadmill where you have no power over the incline or the speed.

Constructive perfectionism is far different. It’s process-oriented; you want to reach the goal and you try your best, maybe even try to reach perfection. But the role this type of perfectionism plays in your life is fueled by generosity, curiosity, creativity, intellect – all very positive sources for energy. So the “outcome” is important but isn’t the only thing that matters.

Here are some ideas if you’re struggling with perfectionism and the need for success – and how you can get off that treadmill.

Five steps to take if you’re caught up in a perfectionist spiral… 

1. Become aware that your perfectionism is a problem. 

You may have created this perfect-looking persona to emotionally survive and even thrive as a child. It became the way you shielded and protected yourself or was the way you felt that you earned your worth. Again, how high is the “being perfect” or “being successful” bar? You don’t have control over what others deem as perfect or successful. 

2. Commit to change at a reasonable pace.

Your fear of change can become so significant that you’ll put up barriers, justifying your frenzied life by saying, “It won’t get done if I don’t do it.” Or, “I’m the breadwinner in the family. We can’t get along on less money.” Or you’ll set perfectionistic standards for change, and sabotage yourself before you even get started. “I’ll stop everything I’m doing.” Or, “All I’ll focus on is the kids.”

Way too much, way too soon.  

3. Confront the rigid rules that you’re still following — that no longer truly help.

We all learned rules to follow when we were young. “Don’t chew with your mouth full.” Or, “Always be kind.”

But are there rules that keep your true, authentic self from being revealed? “You must never show anger.” Or, “You should never quit until the job’s done.” Look for those absolute rules to determine whether they’re truly helpful today. 

4. Connect with emotions long suppressed. 

Perfectionists don’t like to think about messy things, and especially avoid  messy emotions. You can have trauma and loss in your life that you’ve never connected with, or in fact, rigidly suppressed. It’s hard to do, and you may need a therapist’s help to do so. 

5. Then risk change.  

You can learn from mistakes and be motivated by successes. Let’s take my early writing as an example. I went through a period when I thought using sentence fragments was very cool. One commenter on the Huffington Post called me out on it, “This woman can’t even make a full sentence.” 

Learning is worth the risk. And seeing yourself change is where you can find hope.

For your information… 

You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. You can use the many self-help techniques described to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Originally published August 15, 2021; updated and republished May 4, 2025.