Is It Self-Pity, Depression Or Perfectly Hidden Depression?
Nobody likes a whiner. Who might fit this bill? Let’s say you’re filled to the brim with self-pity or a sense the world is against you. You can’t get a break. Bad things seem to always happen to you. Promotions don’t come your way. Your kids never call enough or come by....
147 SelfWork:”I’m Better Off Being Alone”: Challenging Seven Beliefs That Lead to Depression and Loneliness
Depression is going to be our topic for a few weeks and today, we’re focusing on the cycle of beliefs that can keep you isolated from others — which can serve to fuel your depression. These are things you can convince yourself are true and will “always” be — and that...
146 SelfWork: Your Questions About Perfectly Hidden Depression
It’s been Suicide Awareness Week here in the US so I wanted to feature your questions about the well-researched but still largely unrecognized signal for potential suicide risk — what I term perfectly hidden depression. You have great questions. The first is from a writer who is losing...
What Can Signal A Risk For Suicide? When You’re Perfectly Hiding Depression
I’ve been writing for five years about what I term perfectly hidden depression — when you’re leading a perfect-looking life and not a soul recognizes that you’re carrying around a tremendous amount of silent despair. Maybe not even you recognize it, until you see the term...
145 SelfWork: Dealing With the Elephant In The Room: Defending Yourself with Denial, Distraction and Other Defenses
Everyone knows when there’s an elephant in the room. It’s an event, fact or feeling– past or present — that can’t, for some mysterious reason (or not so mysterious) be acknowledged. It seems impossible or too risky or too painful to talk about. So you walk around it....
Guilt and The Borderline Mother (Or Wife or Daughter or Friend): Nine Ways to Work Through It
Your phone rings. Her name appears on your screen. You dread clicking over. And then comes the guilt. Your history with her rushes into your mind as you wait for one more ring — all the times that you’ve rushed to her side, comforted her, and told her you’d be there for her,...
The Shame No One Talks About In Sexual Abuse
Note: If you’ve been sexually abused, this article may trigger a response — memories, anxiety, nightmares. Please read with care. I can’t count the times that someone, male or female, has been looking out the window so their eyes won’t meet mine, and I hear,...
144 SelfWork: Three Steps Toward Creating Motivation That Works
Getting motivated for change and maintaining that change can be tricky business. Willpower. Self-discipline. Focus.All are touted as necessary for achievement of your goals. But where does self-acceptance come into this? And what about understanding what’s underneath the change you maybe...
Feeling Invisible and How To Confront The Shame You’ve Never Deserved
A lot of people feel invisible. And for many different reasons. What do I mean by “feeling invisible?” Like you don’t matter. As if you aren’t a vital part of things. As if you are being overlooked or seen only for what you can do instead of for who you are. You’re an object — not a...
143 SelfWork: Is Depression Simply A Chemical Imbalance? Pt. 2 The Role of Stress and Trauma
Welcome. If you’ve listened to the previous episode (part one of this two-part series), you know that explaining depression as a “chemical imbalance” is far too simple for such a complex process. Today I’m again using a very well-written article by a team at Harvard as a...
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