1. Might I offer my perspective? Perhaps part of it is that men are goal oriented, wanting to solve the problem, where women are more willing to talk about things just to try to understand things. I can see where men might feel that therapy might not be an answer for them, as therapy isn’t really offering a fix, but rather a more introspective approach. Just a thought. I’m not sure there is “help” for men who are looking for an answer, a solution, a fix if you get me. And even if they get critical and go to the hospital for help (which I have seen many do) the so called “help” offered by mental health units is not a solution, but rather a pharmaceutical band aid solution that I don’t believe actually fix much of anything. In my opinion what is missing is real, deep connection to others who care about us, people who are willing to be there as a support system to us when we dare to talk about our painful processes and confusion about life. True supportive family (not just relatives, but people we are deeply connected with) connections. I feel like this is probably a cultural issue that stems from mass disconnection which has been ever increasing. My two cents.

    1. Your two cents are more than valuable. And there are many experts who would certainly agree that men have been socialized to not care about or value connection as women have. There are therapeutic techniques that focus on more introspective processes. However, there are therapies that are much more solution-focused. Offer a skills-based approach and do tend to look more at present issues. It takes finding a therapist that does the kind of therapy that fits your style – I have lots of male patients do very well in therapy with that approach. Thanks so very much for your comments.

      1. Oh, yes of course. I had no intention of suggesting that therapy isn’t a helpful option, it’s helped me IMMENSELY, just noting the difference in male vs female styles of dealing with emotional issues.

  2. We had a local High School young man take his own life a few months back. I did not know this young man, I wish I had. Depression is the number one cause of suicide. Over 1000,000 (yes 1 Million) people die from suicide every year. We need to stop standing by and do nothing or pertend we are doing something real to stop it. And lot of people seems to think It is just Bulling at school that causes kid to kill themselves, it is not. It is because we don”t want to talk about it. Most are afraid of losing there job. Or that people will think that there crazy. Over the past 3 years I have been treated for depression. Two people in my life die in the past several years and I needed help. And between my Military service and 25 years as a cop there are a million thing I would like to forget, but can’t. My Dr and I ,with my wife’s help, made it possible to overcome it. We have to bring this disease into the light or more poeple will die needlessly. If it wasn,’t for the support of many many people in my life I may still be suffuring. Depresion is not a character flaw. It is a desease that will kill you if you don’t get proper treatment. And we need to change the way we deal with it. We need to start treating mental illness just like cancer or heart disease then together we can save a million people a year. Tonight please send prayers and positive thoughts to all those suffering in silence. Then in the morning go out and do somthing to make it a bette work. If you can come out that you, like me, have this disease it can save a life. The Lord helps those who help themselves, when people can’t help themselve he send us.

    1. We are on the right track in several ways. But we are missing the boat with many men. For diverse reasons. I am glad to raise your awareness. Maybe you can be part of a positive change! Thanks for writing.

  3. I am a 67 year old male who has entered therapy in the past for help with depression. One of those times included the use of medications, the other did not.
    I was raised to be kind and considerate of others but also that “big boys don’t cry”. Athletics and the “John Wayne” movie genre furthered the idea that men should not give in or give up. The recent trend in TV sit coms is that men are buffoons.
    Furthermore, I am a successful physician. A large segment of society seems to resent those who are successful (” the evil 1%) yet depend on us for the product of our efforts. Physicians are often portrayed as evil or incompetent in the media and are faced with an ever increasing threat of regulation, lawsuits and patients wanting miracle cures in record time (like promised on the internet which is flush with sites, even hosted by physicians, that claim mainstream medicine is “less than”.
    Women say they want a man who is caring and considerate…but often swoon for the “bad boy” type.
    I guess my point is that men receive a lot of mixed messages in our culture that leave us ill prepared for fighting the inner demons as compared to those demons in the world at large.
    Entering therapy when I was in my late 30s was the best choice I could have made, probably saved my life and gave me tools to improve the quality of that life.
    Men are wounded and it will take a joint effort of men and women to heal that wound.

    1. I agree that men receive those mixed messages Mike. I have heard this same thing from them. Trying to distinguish the kind of man they want to be – different perhaps than their father, their grandfather. Now maybe their friends. Their work buddies. There is a huge pull to be the same. To follow the same beliefs and rituals. And there may be many of those values that are wonderful and are great to follow. But some that are not. I hope you tell other men that you have been in therapy – about how much it helped. About how specifically it helped you. That would be a great service. Thank you so much for commenting.

      1. Thanks; your response is on the mark and therapeutically affirming, as well. I do, indeed, talk openly to other men about how helpful therapy was for me and that it should be viewed as an act of courage and adventure, not a sign of weakness. Keep up your good work.

  4. I agree with Robyn.
    Also, our first responders use ER’s as revolving doors for anyone in a mental health crisis. The system needs a complete overhaul. As much as we talk equality I think there is a very big difference between a women’s depression and a man’s.

  5. Hi Td. You commented on my Facebook page as well and I at first had misread your comment (I hope you saw my 2nd reply). I now see that you did receive treatment and are certainly an advocate of others doing so. In fact a fervent advocate. I appreciate that so much. I do want to say, as I did on Facebook, that I am not sure where you got your statistics. In the US last year, there were about 38,000 deaths by reported suicide. You may be talking about some other figure, I am not clear. You may be questioning the “reported” part. 38,000 is bad enough. Thank you and I am so glad you sought help.

  6. The use of the ER and other medical facilities for crisis mental health management services is only part of the issue. Pete Earley in his book “Crazy” points out that our jails and prisons have also become where the chronically mentally ill end up – I agree it’s awful. It will take people complaining and organizing to do something about it. NAMI and other organizations are very active on this front. As far as your other statement, maybe you can write me and let me know what you mean. It’s an interesting statement to make. Thanks so much for writing Doreen.

  7. I have family history with a male cousin who suffered with depression since he was 14, after his first attempt at suicide. He now probably could have been diagnosed with some form of Aspergers high functioning with the social anxiety component. Over the years he became very successful in business, believer in God, enjoyed golf, but lived a very isolated life, and always self medicated with drugs requiring rehab several times with his last one at age 44. He finally took his life saying he never remembers being happy a day in his life. Our son started displaying signs of anxiety and depression in the 8th grade, He was tested and was diagnosed with some high functioning Aspergers. We noticed him crying, anger outbursts, highs and lows, sleeping too much and isolating up until age 16. Once he began dabbling in marijuana we knew that we had to stop the behavior because counseling and meds were not enough. He needed a higher level of care. With him getting close to 18 we knew we were losing our window of opportunity to help him. We sent him to a therapeutic boarding school and he has learned to manage his behaviors and learn to love himself. Hardest thing we have ever done. Best thing we have ever done. We had to stop the cycle.

    1. Thank you for this story Kathy. It’s such proof that the legacy of depression can go on and on in families. You deserve a bigs heads up for noticing and caring enough – fighting enough to try to turn the tide around. Your son is a lucky young man. And good for him for accepting the help.

  8. Thanks for initiating the discussion on this. This is so on the mark. I see it daily as a men’s life coach and I give a talk about the damage of BAM (Be A Man) programming. I’d love to talk further. Thank you for raising the awareness.

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