8 Comments

  1. I’ve never heard of PHD before Dr. Margaret. This is such a helpful post. I used to be a practised ‘people pleaser’ and ‘giver’…. I think they’re relatively interchangeable, do you agree? I learned, after a very traumatic and dangerous relationship that boundaries are important, and I learned to set them more firmly. I also learned that as a ‘giver’, I was also sometimes a ‘rescuer’ and trying to change someone. I thought that if I ‘helped’ them enough they would be able to get past their addictions and abusive behaviour. If I was ‘nice’ enough for long enough, then surely they’d see the light and change. I also learned that this is a form of control, as I was trying, through my ‘giving’ to change them. I now pretty much let people be who they are, and walk away if who they are isn’t a positive influence in my life. Learning to ‘let go’ when I need to has changed my life! Sorry…. got off track there! A good therapist saved me many years ago. It took a while, but her steadfast guidance out of that relationship and the aftermath was critical to my healing. I’m always an advocate for being proactive and getting to someone who can help if you can’t find the way yourself.

    1. Your comment about giving versus rescuing is right on target Linda as far as my conception of PHD is concerned. It’s a term I’ve coined to describe a group of behaviors that are often found together and work to keep depression hidden. Thanks so much!

    2. Your comment about giving versus rescuing is right on target Linda as far as my conception of PHD is concerned. It’s a term I’ve coined to describe a group of behaviors that are often found together and work to keep depression hidden. Thanks so much!

  2. This is fascinating, Margaret. While I’ve suffered on and off from depression in the last five years, I know it’s not been PHD, and I don’t hesitate to see a therapist for “a tuneup.” Never heard of PHD, but it explains someone I know and why they choose the friends they do. Brenda

    1. PHD is a word, or a term, I coined two years ago Brenda. It’s not a diagnosis, per se. It’s a group of behaviors that can be found together frequently, and act to mask depression. Thanks for reading and commenting. It means a lot.

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