That’s what I heard from Stuart Walker, owner of Clubhaus Fitness, a tall, muscular guy with a boisterous laugh and incredibly busy schedule.
He knew I was researching Perfectly Hidden Depression. He had listened to me talk about how the stigma against mental illness keeps people from seeking treatment. We had chatted about what other factors keep folks from considering help, or even thinking of themselves as depressed.
And how men are specifically affected.
Stuart wanted to help, by revealing what was underneath the beaming smile and bright welcome he gave to all who walked through the doors of his gym. He wanted to share the dark thoughts that could kidnap his mind, after working tirelessly as a dad to three kids (one with autism, a second with severe medical problems). He was a boss to hundreds of employees, a supportive coach to those trying to tighten abs or shed a few. And a husband who didn’t have much left to give, and felt guilty about it.
And he came very close, on a daily basis, to ending his life.
He, in many ways, epitomized Perfectly Hidden Depression, looking like he had the world by the tail. He constantly heard comments like, “I can’t believe how well you handle all the pressure you must be under. You and Missi (his wife) are incredible.”
While inwardly, he knew the secret of his mental and emotional exhaustion.
Until he finally broke.
In a new series of videos on YouTube (available below), Stuart talks vividly and openly about the road from severe depression to new purpose.
His story is profound. It is universal.
It could be you. Or someone you love.
Not by a long shot.
He has worked extremely hard to get better. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. He and Missi took a long look at their relationship, and now are doing better than ever.
Stuart has found a way to cope with his condition — accept it and go on living.
You can learn from him, if you open yourself to it.
That’s what he wants.
“Knowing that I have had some issues…. it would be cowardly for me not to share it.”
This is Stuart — talking about feeling suicidal every day. And how he handled it.
Please consider seeking treatment if you recognize you are depressed, or if others are suggesting to you that you seem more negative – that you aren’t participating the way you used to in things -if you are getting more irritable – you can’t tolerate things that used to be piece of cake. All of these could be signs that depression is a factor. It runs in families. Maybe your dad or your mom experienced it. Maybe a grandparent or an uncle.
You can talk to a doctor about potential medication, and/or look into therapy. Both can work together as a team.
Therapy is not all about sitting and talking. It’s about taking action. Changing your choices.
And your life.
[tweetthis]Depression is not normal. It’s different from loss. Or grief. Act & you can heal. #depression[/tweetthis]
Note: Mr. Walker was a patient of mine in the past. It should be made clear that I did not approach him about being interviewed. It would have been unethical for me to do so. We discussed potential implications, after which he restated his desire and readiness, with the full support of his wife, Missi. I am sincerely grateful to both of them for sharing with all of us what is hard-earned wisdom.
You can hear more about depression and many other topics by listening to Dr. Margaret’s podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to this website and receive her weekly blog posts and podcasts, as well as free downloadable ebook, “Seven Commandments of Good Therapy.”!
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My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression will be arriving November 1, 2019! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. More to come.