2013-09-15 10.21.26Dear Me As A Bride Twenty Three Years Ago Today,

Boy, are you going to learn a lot.  You just think you know yourself and this man you are about to marry.  Even though this is your third, yes count them, third marriage, and you think you know what you are about to do – well, let’s just say, life has more lessons to teach.

Wonderful lessons.  Needed lessons.  Expected and unexpected ones.

Some of them are fairly flippant ones, like you look better in bangs.  Great that you chose to let them grow out for your last wedding, I am sad to say.

You are going to learn things about this man that you have no clue about on this day.  You will learn that he’s the guy who spies the older person at wedding receptions who might not be capable of getting their own plate or drink and quietly offers to help.  He’s the guy that sees the couple weighed down with toddlers arrive on a plane, doesn’t grimace but actually makes faces at them after they are seated and tries to make them laugh.

He’s the guy who tears up when the Indianapolis 500 comes on every year and Jim Nabors’ rendition of “Back Home Again in Indiana” is sung, because it brings back memories of his Dad and Grandfather, both from Indiana. And oh, don’t even mention the Masters.  He so respects the ritual of the Green Jacket Ceremony that he asks for silence during it.  Through his eyes, you are going to come to see it almost as reverently.

This man, who you just love today because he loves you back, he makes you laugh, he is incredibly smart, you think he will make a great dad, and let’s see, what else?  He has been willing to move all the way to Texas from Pennsylvania, give up his job there and risk everything for a life with you?  Pretty good odds that this one is going to work out.  I would feel pretty good about slipping that ring on your finger this time.

Marriage will teach you a lot as well.  How the resolution of conflict can lead to such greater intimacy.  How disappointments are tolerated as long as they are not abused.  How miraculous the gift of a child can be.  How REALLY hard it is to be a good parent.  How a belly laugh can heal so much.  How important good friends are to support your marriage.  How sometimes your lives gets out of sync and then back in sync somehow.  How vital it is not to view your partner as having an intention to hurt you.  How truly difficult it is to listen (most of the time you can’t wait to talk…., you really need to work on that..).  How important it is to see the other’s perspective.  So so much!

So from your future, my young bride, today is your twenty-third wedding anniversary.  You promised your groom that you wouldn’t write about him too much on this blog.  It’s not his blog.  It’s yours.

But just this one day, I had to let you know that you are really going to be deeply and warmly happy with the man you are about to marry at 4:00 pm.  He is a gift to you that you did nothing to deserve, but with whom you will learn and grow as a woman, wife and mother.

Be joyous on this day!

p.s. He likes bologna sandwiches with Ruffles just as much as you do!  (You find that out it 1991!)

 

 

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