It’s My Birthday and I’ll Cry If I Want To
Birthdays.
In this picture, I seem to be contemplating the very serious prospect of turning 3. I was probably wondering how to get my hands on that doll.
It’s 57 years later.
Should I be sad? Departing from a decade? I can’t even call it, “leaving my youth.”
Let’s face it…. that was a while back.
It’s made me more reminiscent than anything. Looking back on what I have learned. What I still am trying to figure out.
There’s a lot of that.
So I am curious about these 60’s in front of me.
There are certain things that I can fairly reliably predict will happen. My son’s graduation and move to a job. Maybe me and my husband not working quite so much.
Becoming a mother-in-law? Hmmm…
I have written before that I like to give each decade a “theme.” Kinda like a parade. Each float/year is part of a bigger, over-arching idea.
My 30’s were about finally coming into my own. (We are skipping my 20’s, for good reason. That’s a book, not a post.)
My 40’s were about being a mother and individual all at the same time. Quite a favorite decade of mine.
50’s. The 1st half was about getting through menopause. Whew. The 2nd. Definitely letting go and transitioning into a new normal.
This decade? It’s still forming but it feels like… Acceptance.
Opening myself to opportunities as they come along. Appreciating the journey. Being okay with not quite knowing where I am going.
How is it that different than other decades?
I am not pushing anymore. I have finally figured out that there’s not a lot I can control. Or I certainly like my life better if I don’t try. I can just be open.
Is that wisdom? Maturity? Hope so.
Yet there’s another side. An underbelly of this rock of aging. I have questions that creep into my thinking. Fears that are waiting to trespass into my sense of resolve and tromp on it.
Tolerating the increasing ambiguity of aging is maybe the toughest thing about it.
I am trying to find answers. So I have conversations with myself.
1) What about my body changing? Giving me signals that there are parts that may need some attention?
Strike that balance between paying attention and not over-focusing. Try to stay healthy and strong.
2) What if my culture sees me differently as soon as the word “60” comes out of my mouth?
I will make sure I don’t adopt a discounting attitude toward it myself. Like, “For my age, I am pretty good at this… blah blah blah…” I can’t control others, but I can accept myself.
3) What if this decade things begin to fall apart? That some form of dementia or disease is around the corner?
Well. So far so good. Focus on what I can do about that. Keep my mind active. Learn new things.
But it doesn’t work to try to convince myself, “Well nothing is going to happen to me”. What? I’m invincible?
What I can say. I will try my best to find the inner strength to cope with what life has in store. As I have watched other friends and loved ones do.
Are doing right now.
It would just be me this time. My turn.
I would hopefully make that okay.
4) What if I focus on how much time I have left, which of course I have absolutely no control over, instead of the present?
I will breathe. Deeply. Never read the obituaries. (Unless a friend dies.) Laugh. A lot.
Plan like I am going to live forever. While knowing that cannot be. Hug the people I love and tell them I love them.
All the time.
So there, fear. I can acknowledge you exist. Then shoo you away.
No tears for me this birthday.
Not a one.
Just for kicks, I have included the song that was inspiration for the title of this post. Very popular “in my day.”
Thank goodness it didn’t take me 60 years to figure out that life was not all about yearning for Johnny.
There’s a bit more to it.
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Happy almost Birthday:) I would agree with the 20’s and 30’s. It is my last year of 30 so as I stand on the precipice of 40 I find myself actually looking forward to it. You will rock the next decade, no doubt.
I am certainly going to try Alyson! I remember (barely) turning 40. I had a 6-month old son. That particular event was a breeze! Thanks so much.
Happiest of birthdays, Margaret. Acceptance is a great concept for this decade, happy to march in that parade, too!
Thank you! We shall march along together.
Happy upcoming birthday, Margaret! I think many of our PB friends had one of those doll birthday cakes, they were so pretty. I agree that acceptance is an appropriate theme for the 60’s. I find it easier with each passing year to accept those things I can’t change – and that’s saying a lot because I’m a control freak! I wish you all the best as you being your sexagenarian journey.
Thanks Janet! You have known me a long time and through lots of decades! Glad you enjoyed and thanks for your support.
Best wishes for a fabulous birthday and a whole new decade. “Acceptance” seems a fabulous theme for ANY decade. Lovely photo. And that song is one dear to our family as my middle daughter ALWAYS cried on her birthday, for some reason (usually related to mean girls invited to her party, to be honest). Cheers to acceptance and age and all the great things associated with both!
Thanks Lisa! I am looking forward to living it! I tried out all kinds of ideas in my head for my “theme”. Acceptance seemed to fit the best. Cheers back!
Happy Birthday Margaret. May this new chapter in your life be the best yet!
Thanks Nancy! It would be hard to beat my 40’s! And my 50’s were more complicated but with lots of changes. And growth! And I got to know all my blogger friends, you included. I am thoroughly enjoying that for sure!
So far, other than the menopause and the psychotic crying that goes along with it, I am digging my fifties…thanks for this article..I enjoyed it a lot.
How funny Michelle! Your words brought back not so distant memories. That was just hard to get through. But get through it you will! So glad you enjoyed and I really appreciate the comment!
Happy Birthday, Margaret. It’s wonderful to be at a stage in life where you are happy with exactly where you are!
Boy are you ever right Claudia! Thank you so much!
Good for you! You’ve accomplished a lot and make 60 look fabulous! I had that 60yr old mentality when I was 20 so with each passing decade I only look forward with excitement. I’m currently in my 50’s and loving it.
What a wonderful comment Wendy! Love the hat by the way… I am lucky in many ways. I have a few issues medically but for the most part, am very healthy. That makes a huge difference. I want to point the way for my younger friends and readers so this means a lot to me. Thank you so much for writing. Keep on relishing!
Birthdays are tough and reflective for sure. Now that I’m in my 50’s I’m having fun with the being older part but I can’t say I enjoy not being younger anymore..
Happy birthday and I hope you eventually got your doll. I’m 50, my mother never did let me have mine.. It’s still in her closet for safe keeping..
Well that sounds like it has a whole other story behind it. And perhaps a painful, complicated one at that. I hear you about the “I can’t say I enjoy not being younger”. Of course I sometimes look back.. Wish I had known then what I know now. That kind of thing. At this point in the game, however, I usually decide that line of thinking is what I call simply “not helpful”. And I try to avoid it. It’s a waste of the time I have now. Most of the time it works unless I am really overwhelmed or tired. Thanks so much. Some day, I would love to hear more.
I’ve a complicated relationship with my mother as the third child in a family group she felt was complete at 4. She hasn’t forgiven me for being born, occasionally reminding me how I ruined her life plan and raising my 2 siblings to think of me as evil; I’m essentially an orphan with living family members.
What an awful thing for any parent to do to a child. I certainly have heard this before from a few patients whose dad or mother blamed them as children for something that they never had the courage or even the capacity to do for themselves. A child doesn’t ruin anything. I am sad that you and others have had this told to you. It is just wrong.
What an awful thing for any parent to do to a child. I certainly have heard this before from a few patients whose dad or mother blamed them as children for something that they never had the courage or even the capacity to do for themselves. A child doesn’t ruin anything. I am sad that you and others have had this told to you. It is just wrong.