I’m A Giver. I’m Proactive. I Work Hard. But Do I Have PHD?

“I”m a giver. I’m proactive. I work hard. But do I have PHD?”

So how do you know what your personality style is?

 

The Myers Briggs…

Some of you may have taken the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory. Although not well-validated empirically, it’s easy to understand and is based on the work of the early psychiatrist Carl Jung. 

The test evaluates four dimensions of psychological functioning – sensation, intuition, feeling and thinking. The theory goes that each of us has a primary preference for one of these — and that preference strongly influences how we see the world. For example, is your focus on your outer world or inner world? That would indicate where you are on the extraversion/introversion spectrum.  How do you prefer to process information? Is your focus on facts (“Just the facts, ma’am…”) or do you tend to interpret meaning to those facts? When you make decisions, do you tend to be logical/consistent or do you consider more personal unique circumstances? And lastly, are you more decisive in your approach or do you like to stay open to more ambiguity?

You could be a ESTJ or an INFP, an ENFJ, or an ISTP. In fact there are sixteen different score combinations, complete with descriptions of the strengths and potential vulnerabilities of each personality type.

When I was in graduate school, my nine classmates and I sat around after taking the Myers/Briggs and tried to guess, based only on the letters, who had scored what. They were sure – absolutely certain in fact — that I was an extrovert.

They were wrong. I’m outgoing and generally not shy, but at my core I’m an introvert. That’s part of what can make these diagnostics so interesting. What you see is not always what’s going on internally. 

Pushback about perfectly hidden depression…

I occasionally hear that my whole concept of PHD is pathologizing one of these sixteen Myers Briggs categories: the INFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judgmental).

A reader who’d scored high on my questionnaire for PHD wrote in, “Several years ago, I took the Myers Briggs personality test, and what it said… lines up a lot with PHD. I got INFJ on three separate occasions, which is described as caring immensely about the needs of others sometimes to the detriment of self, avoiding conflict, being a caregiver, and an introvert that appears to be an extrovert. Could it be that I just am an INFJ but not PHD? Did PHD turn me into an INFJ? Am I overthinking this?” 

Another reader lambasted my work on PHD, saying that it was obvious I didn’t know the distinction between and INFJ and an INFP, and I was unfairly calling that that personality type unhealthy.  

Others have written to me wondering if they fit into the perfectly hidden depression rubric or if it’s just them, “How do I know if it’s depression or not? Maybe it’s just the way I am.“

So what’s the difference? 

There may be several traits that are shared between INFJ and PHD. Yet, the first is a style of being, thinking, and feeling. PHD exists, often unconsciously, as camouflage for underlying despair, loneliness, and trauma. What may have initially begun as an adaptation to cultural pressure, familial expectations or traumatic expectations and abuse can create an entrenched cycle of rigid control over painful emotions, shame, and silent suicidal thinking. 

INFJ is a personality style, while the syndrome of perfectly hidden depression is a coping mechanism created by pressure and trauma.

Can a personality style have a more painful shadow? 

Of course, there are many seemingly positive ways of being that, taken too far, can become problems.

When does being cool as a cucumber become avoiding personal conflict at all costs? What’s the line between focusing on the well-being of others, and shutting off personal painful emotion? At what point does putting others first morph into terrible self-care? 

There’s a line that can be crossed, perhaps subtle at first. But it can be crossed; it’s a matter of degree. It’s very rewarding to be a helper, to love well, to put the needs of others first.

With my work on PHD, I’m trying to reach the people who’ve crossed that line – to help them believe that there’s a way out of destructive perfectionism.

(Note: If interested in taking the Myers Briggs, please know that there’s a fee attached. Dr. Rutherford has not received any financial reimbursement for this post.)

 

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Photo by Ivan Samkov.

Originally published on Sep 24, 2017; updated and republished on September 18, 2024.