In The Face of Senseless Tragedy

When you’re in the face of senseless tragedy, how are you supposed to handle its onslaught?

(Warning: This post could act as a trigger due to its topic. Please read with caution.)

I remember exactly where I was in 1995 when I heard that a mother had strapped her two very young children into their car seats and watched as her car rolled into a lake in South Carolina. Her name was Susan Smith, and she’s still in prison for those deaths.

I couldn’t get their murder out of my head. I was pulled to read reports about it. As a psychologist, I wondered if she had sociopathic traits, whether she’d been psychotic and was hearing voices, or if had some unbalanced belief that caused her to act on these murderous impulses. How could she turn off the maternal aspect of her being? Had feelings of maternal protection and immense love never existed in the first place?

At the time, my son was nearly two years old, which gave this crime especially hard, and set off a confusing and overpowering set of emotions.

I was attending a conference away from home. I found myself unable to stop crying – until I realized that this was another story of senseless horror.

 

In the face of senseless tragedy… 

There was not one reason. There was no simple way of understanding it.

You may be there now. We are surrounded by reports of tragedies which stand as testaments to the destructiveness and horror that humans can create. Cars driving into crowds, people shooting strangers, children killed in their classrooms, bombs exploding during marathons where death and maiming will be more likely, family members hurting those they are supposed to love the most.

Your own personal beliefs and values will affect how you perceive these stories, and what you tell yourself is the reason they happened or what could’ve prevented it will vary from someone else’s perspective. But the inconceivable heartache of those parents, families, friends, and communities is very real, no matter how their values and systems may differ from yours.

You may be wanting to lash out, be paralyzed with your own fear; or simply want to hold those you love even closer.

Seven ways to cope when surrounded by senseless tragedy… 

• Look around you to do something about what your do have control over. Right now – in this moment. Even if it seems to not have anything to do with the actual tragedy. Calm yourself by creating some kind of order. Turn to your faith or familiar ritual that can act to center you. Ground yourself.
• Talk to your children. Remind them of the principal of their own school, of the teachers that care for them, about how you are there to keep them safe. Let them talk about their own feelings. Guide them to focus on something they can do as an act of kindness toward others.
• Journal or somehow express your own feelings. But couple that expression with a plan, no matter how simple it might seem. If you feel overwhelmed – especially if these deaths have directly affected you – call it what it is. Trauma. And know the only direction that truly heals is through the feelings that you have.
• Let others help you. Try not to be afraid; it takes a lot of strength to admit you need help.
• Use your anger or your anguish not as a weapon, but as motivation. Realize that it’s better to respond than to react. Give your mind time to choose what action you might want to take, rather than creating even more chaos. Monitor your own inner dialogue so that it’s productive rather than destructive; another act of hatred or blame won’t make things better.
• Know that you are being affected by the news. And this tragedy will join with other struggles you already have to create a backdrop for what else is happening in your life. Try to be aware and you’ll have a much greater chance of making good decisions.
• And as always, take very good care. Of yourself, of those you love, and of your community.