Gratitude and Grief: For My Brother Adam
This week I’m getting ready to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. And I love Thanksgiving. I didn’t have much to do with creating or cooking many of my childhood feasts, except trying to perfectly fold the napkins, a chore assigned to me by my fairly exacting mother. Or bring my heavily...
Three Vital Reasons To Say “I’m Sorry”: A Simple Way to Improve Your Marriage
“Love means you never have to say you’re sorry.” Those words were emblazoned on a poster that hung in my room in my high school years. Ali McGraw and Ryan O-Neal, stars of the hit movie “Love Story,” were blissfully gazing into a future of no conditions or...
When The “The Worst Thing” That Can Happen… Happens (When You Tell Your Truth)
I was on a first date with Jeff years ago. He was nice. I knew people that he knew and vice versa.v He’d earned his Ph.D. in psychology, having graduated from the same program that I was currently slugging my way through. The usual get-to-know-you questions were tossed around. “Where did you grow...
Should A Therapist Have Walked the Same Walk As You? A Therapist’s Perspective
A while back I got a call from a potential client. She asked a question I’d never heard. “I need to know who you voted for in the election.” I’ve been a therapist for over 25 years. I’ve been asked if I was divorced, married, how old I was, whether or not I was a...
When Mom Is Emotionally Unstable. Seven Ways To Heal.
Mom. For many this word brings with it childhood memories of feeling safe while being tenderly tucked into bed, of band-aids and hugs when you scraped your knee, or of wise advice given when you fell in love for the first time. You watched your mom and learned from her; she was committed to...
When A Parent Needs Too Much: What Is Enmeshment and How Does It Hurt A Child
Being a parent is a complicated job. Healthy parenting includes doing your best to create a loving environment, supporting your kids so that their talents and interests thrive, and guiding them as they increasingly build their own life. All parents are going to make mistakes that impact...
Guilt and The Borderline Mother (Or Wife or Daughter or Friend): Nine Ways to Work Through It
Your phone rings. Her name appears on your screen. You dread clicking over. And then comes the guilt. Your history with her rushes into your mind as you wait for one more ring — all the times that you’ve rushed to her side, comforted her, and told her you’d be there for her,...
Feeling Invisible and How To Confront The Shame You’ve Never Deserved
A lot of people feel invisible. And for many different reasons. What do I mean by “feeling invisible?” Like you don’t matter. As if you aren’t a vital part of things. As if you are being overlooked or seen only for what you can do instead of for who you are. You’re an object — not a...
Empty Nesting Season: Letting Go A Little At A Time
My grandparents had a gorgeous old grandfather clock in their den where my grandmother rocked and knitted while my grandfather read his paper. I loved the deep, resonate sound it made every second of every day. Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock… That tangible reminder of time passing...
Reaching Peace Within Yourself: What I Learned From My Dad About Compromise
“Margaret, life is about compromise.”
That’s what my dad used to tell me from time to time.
Considering the massive amount of wisdom I’d accrued by the age I first heard him say this, probably around 20 or 21, I remember feeling that my father’s early health problems had colored his thinking. I silently shook my head, and believed he was focusing on the negative — on what you gave up in life. I was sure that with enough effort, and maybe a little good luck thrown in, you could achieve exactly what you wanted.
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