Guilt and The Borderline Mother (Or Wife or Daughter or Friend): Nine Ways to Work Through It
Your phone rings. Her name appears on your screen. You dread clicking over. And then comes the guilt. Your history with her rushes into your mind as you wait for one more ring — all the times that you’ve rushed to her side, comforted her, and told her you’d be there for her,...
Feeling Invisible and How To Confront The Shame You’ve Never Deserved
A lot of people feel invisible. And for many different reasons. What do I mean by “feeling invisible?” Like you don’t matter. As if you aren’t a vital part of things. As if you are being overlooked or seen only for what you can do instead of for who you are. You’re an object — not a...
Empty Nesting Season: Letting Go A Little At A Time
My grandparents had a gorgeous old grandfather clock in their den where my grandmother rocked and knitted while my grandfather read his paper. I loved the deep, resonate sound it made every second of every day. Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock… That tangible reminder of time passing...
Reaching Peace Within Yourself: What I Learned From My Dad About Compromise
“Margaret, life is about compromise.”
That’s what my dad used to tell me from time to time.
Considering the massive amount of wisdom I’d accrued by the age I first heard him say this, probably around 20 or 21, I remember feeling that my father’s early health problems had colored his thinking. I silently shook my head, and believed he was focusing on the negative — on what you gave up in life. I was sure that with enough effort, and maybe a little good luck thrown in, you could achieve exactly what you wanted.
Knowing What You Know Today – Would You Still Marry Your Partner?
If you’re married, at one time in your life you looked at your partner-to-be and said, “I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” You felt love. Tenderness. Passion. And you meant it. Years later, how do you balance all that you’ve learned? Having...
How Do Couples Talk Themselves Out Of Therapy? Three Common Misconceptions That Mask Vulnerability
I do a lot of couples therapy. And there are nine words that are music to my ears. “We came in before there was a real problem.” This very wise couple hasn’t waited until a crisis has hit; no one is flirting with a coworker, no vicious and repetitive arguments are heard late at...
How Do You Heal From Parents Who Hurt You
My dad was very open with his love. One of his favorite things to say when I’d made a mess of things was, “You can always come home.” He’d send me a hand-written letter when things were tough, often quoting scripture, but always with a supportive, guiding message that reminded me of what was really important in life. And I knew how his eyes would light up when he saw me, especially when I no longer lived in the same city as him and my mom. I’m sure my brothers saw that same light.
Talking With Dad
When I was in my early twenties, I called my Dad and asked him to have lunch with me. “Don’t you want your Mom to come?” “Well, Dad, no…this time I want it to be just you and me.” “Okay. Sure. Where do you want to meet?” Up to that point, when I...
How To Not Be Victimized By Empty Nest. Letting Go With Intention.
My son is traveling at breakneck speed through the last semester of his college days.
Graduation is two weeks away.
He’s making decisions about his future — carving out a life for himself that will hopefully prove productive and fulfilling.
131 SelfWork: When Your Dad Isn’t A Dad. The Effects of Father Hunger
Father hunger… when your dad isn’t or wasn’t available or connected with you either due to divorce, death or disinterest — causes many problems for a child and the family as a whole. But the numbers are staggering of how many homes are without dads. There are so many...
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