Boots, Nuns, Bras & The Journey To Believing In Yourself
I remember watching “The Sound Of Music” for the first time.
My mother took me to see it on the “big screen” in Memphis. It was our first girls trip together. And if my memory is correct, the first time my 40 year-old mom had driven solo on the highway (other than to Little Rock, only 30 minutes away).
It was 1964.
I was probably in my white go-go boots, the lyrics to “These Boots Are Made For Walking” running in my head. Those boots made me swagger. As if I were the tall, thin, long-haired, daughter-of-a-movie-star-crooner myself. I channelled Nancy Sinatra.
I was a little girl on the cusp of being a not so little girl. Fairly pale, big blue eyes with white cat-eye glasses. And a bit sickly.
But I was going places in those boots.
Now I was headed to Memphis. To the big city. I can remember how excited I felt.
My mother, I am positive, was in heels and hose. Perfectly coiffed. Chanel #5. Trim and slim. If you are a fan of Mad Men, you have seen her.
I have no stories to tell about the trip. I have few memories, other than vague ones of being mesmerized by the theatre itself. Just how large the screen was. How beautiful the music sounded.
What I do remember is this. Even as a child, it was not the musical blockbusters that I loved. Not “raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,” or even “Edelweiss,” which I performed frequently with my guitar in high school. (That, and “Puff the Magic Dragon,” which, by the way, I naively believed was about a dragon and a little boy… the pot smokers among my high school buddies must have had a good snort over that one…).
My favorite song was, and still is, “I Must Have Done Something Good.”
Interestingly, in recent interviews, Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer admit that they were having a ferocious attack of the giggles during the take. They could barely get the song out. They had become good friends and it was difficult to perform seriously.
Whatever you think about the movie, this is what my 10 year-old eyes saw. A girl thought she wanted to be a nun. But she couldn’t follow the rules of being a nun. She was always getting in trouble. She was sent off to be a nanny. She tried to follow the rules of being a good nanny. She broke those rules too. And to top it off, she actually argued with her boss. And fell in love with him of course. Then they sang this song where he seemed as delighted to have her in his life as she was to have him.
Wow. You could argue and fuss? And a man would still love you? It was monumental to me. “Climb Every Mountain” applied to women as well?
I was being reared in a world where a woman did not forge her own destiny. Hers was to find a man and create a life that was defined by being his wife. I may have burned my bra as a sophomore in college but earlier messages were very, very strong. I wanted to believe one thing, but had been taught and shown something quite different.
It was a struggle for years.
As I watch the movie now, tears still come to my eyes as I see the character Maria walk down the aisle, to the strains of, “How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?” It wasn’t that the “problem” was solved by her getting married. The problem was solved because she had learned that she could be herself. She could accept who she was.
Become her own person.
Unfortunately, we have a way to go as a culture. I listen to young women still struggle with how to balance following their own dreams and ambitions. How to have strong opinions. Be assertive. Work hard at what they want. And trust that there are men out there who will want “that kind” of woman. Rather than one who focuses on how sexy she looks, how thin she is, or going out to bars every night to catch some guy’s eye.
I hear fear that somehow they will miss their opportunity for a partner. If they focus on developing their own life – their own goals.
I hate this. For both women and men. It’s such a waste.
[tweetthis]Be you. Trust someone will discover you. Who wants & loves you as you are.[/tweetthis]
That’s what Maria found out. It took me a while but that’s what I discovered as well.
‘Nothing comes from nothing. Nothing ever could.
But somewhere in my youth… or childhood…I must have done something good”.
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That is the same song I most identify with: “How do you make her stay, and listen to what you say?…How do you catch a cloud and pin in down?” I suppose I WAS a problem like Maria.
That’s the song “How do you solve a problem like Maria”. Yes, that’s quite one as well Adela. And has really double meanings in the movie, one at the beginning and one that is quite different toward the end. Thanks for commenting!
Dr. Margaret Rutherford, Clinical Psychologist/Author
Helping You Believe In Yourself
p:479-443-3413 | e:askdrmargaret@146.66.99.73 | w:http://DrMargaretRutherford.com | a: 202 North Locust, Fayetteville AR 72701
I loved that movie too. But it makes me sad to remember, that even as a young teen, I was cynical, jaded even, and although I loved the songs and sentiments, I didn’t really believe them. I think I believe in them more today than back then. Better late than never, I guess. Thanks.
Anita
I know what you mean Anita. It was schmaltzy. I think in some strange way that’s what made it palatable for me. It wasn’t “in your face”. It certainly wasn’t considered a film about women’s lib. “Climb Every Mountain” suggested that the goal was about finding someone to love – not necessarily your own life. I still remember it though – anger wasn’t allowed in my household. So the fact that she got angry – and it all worked out. Somehow that began to form the germ of an idea in my head. Thanks so much for commenting.
I think that for our generation we were on the cusp of being told to be our true selves. When Sound of Music came out it was a volatile time for women. I loved that movie, and as a 6 year old I didn’t get the messages you speak of, but I do get it today. Be who you are. Yup. I get that loud and clear.
As for the cat glasses and Nancy Sinatra boots? I had them too and wish I still did!
The first time I saw that movie all I wanted to do was get married and have six kids. I was young. To this day every time I watch I get something more out of it. I recently watched it with my granddaughters. They loved it.
So glad you were on Friday sharing, Dr. M! Love this article. Am gonna’ share it with my daughters…I feel like I”m still ‘discovering’ me and loving it all the more now in mid-life than in the crazy trauma of young girlhood.
I remember thinking I wanted to be nun after that movie Cathy (getting a little confused about the whole meaning of that..). I think I was scrambling in my own mind for a way out of the set path I could feel at some strange level was so confining. I think I have the glasses somewhere – just let me know if you would like to borrow them! Thanks for writing…
The six kids? Lol… that fantasy eluded me! I guess that’s what makes a movie that holds up over time. Being able to watch it and continue seeing things you never saw before. Thanks for writing Doreen.
I was delighted to be able to be there Cathy! I often can’t do it because of how many entries there are and time restraints due to my seeing patients. But I was off today! I am delighted you want to share this with your daughters – that makes me smile. Thanks so much for writing!
I happen to be reading a book about the making of The SOund Of Music so I got a kick out of this post. By the way several lesbian pals have told me that Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music was their first crush.
Well, I hear you. Some women still give up themselves to be in a relationship. At the same time, so many women live wonderful lives without a partner, at least in the traditional sense. It’s a viable choice.
Of course it is Carol. Life can discover you in many ways, whether it’s through a relationship, through deep friendships, through your commitments. I have watched many I respect walk this path. And many women do still become invisible in relationships. (Some men do as well). It will never be healthy. We as a culture can only try to move forward. Thank you so much for writing.
How funny… I wonder how she would respond to that! Probably with something quite kicky I would imagine… Thanks for commenting Roz…
Yes. As my grandmother used to say, “there is a lid for every pot.” I took me a while to find mine.
Grandmothers have a way of putting the nail on the head, don’t they… Sometimes that lid can be surprising and not what you thought at all. Thanks for commenting Estelle.
Haha…I remember my mom’s theory regarding the mass exodus of women leaving the convents in the late ’60’s (and the reason her sister quit being a nun after 20 years) is because they thought they’d find someone like Christopher Plummer. Until I read your article/comments, I never realized how symbolic the movie resonates for women of ALL types.
(I know I kept repeating the lines to “I must’ve done something good” when I met my husband and still find myself referencing the words as a form of gratitude)
How funny Karen… lol… I wrote in a previous comment that I had fantasies of becoming a nun after seeing this (until I figured it out more) – I think I saw it as a path out of what I saw as my destiny at that point. Thanks so much for writing!