17 Comments

  1. I think people understand the lifelong impact sexual abuse has—and incestous abuse is especially hard. You’re right—the daughters, I can’t imagine how they are suffering though they might have repressed it big time.

    Though I will always speak out against abuse I feel stymied in this case because I don’t understand their religion. I know it’s fundamentalist, scares me, and treats women like chattel. But I’m not Christian and therefore only feel right taking about the abuse and not on facebook or in a blog post because I live in the bible belt and don’t want to inadvertently offend anything good about their religion though really…

    For me—I have never understood how a person can “confess” and be redeemed. I was brought up to believe that confessing is nothing. First you confess, then you do something as you said to make it better and you go into therapy to understand why. then you feel guilt forever but that’s my family..

    I know the recidivism rate among abusers is incredibly high. That’s been known for years and had the Duggars bothered to do the most minimal research they would have come across very frightening stats. Maybe they did and it scared them. It’s also believed by many that the only therapy that usually works for abusers is group therapy—and I can’t imagine a Duggar doing that unless it’s all Duggars.

    I hope the daughters get help. I expect nothing good from the parents and Joshua

    1. I was aware when I wrote the post PiaSav that perhaps, in their belief system, asking for forgiveness and being forgiven, is all that it takes. I couldn’t help but remember a female patient who had been sexually molested by her brother. And sat by him in church every Sunday with tears streaming down her face. Churchgoers thought she was moved by the service. She never brought herself to confront him with how the abuse had really affected her. I tried to help her and hope I did to some extent. But she could not decide to confront. It was against “forgiveness” in what she believed. She had no intimate life with her husband. She couldn’t. She was miserable. Thank you for your very thoughtful comment.

    2. I was aware when I wrote the post PiaSav that perhaps, in their belief system, asking for forgiveness and being forgiven, is all that it takes. I couldn’t help but remember a female patient who had been sexually molested by her brother. And sat by him in church every Sunday with tears streaming down her face. Churchgoers thought she was moved by the service. She never brought herself to confront him with how the abuse had really affected her. I tried to help her and hope I did to some extent. But she could not decide to confront. It was against “forgiveness” in what she believed. She had no intimate life with her husband. She couldn’t. She was miserable. Thank you for your very thoughtful comment.

  2. Somehow one did wonder how they could have so many children and nary a thing go wrong, but I am saddened that it had to be this kind of thing which falls into the category I feel that they are not very healthy in to begin with. I would like to think that this could be an opportunity for good, healthy and important things to move forward on this topic, but so far, not so much, at least not from that Duggars. All the focus seems to be on the son and his path, with little emphasis on the victims. I have always been leery of this family and now feel somewhat confirmed in my intuition. I just hope they don’t make tons of money having this sensationalized for all the wrong reasons. Certainly teenagers with hormones make mistakes but this goes well beyond this, in my opinion. Isn’t it ironic though how intensely critical they, and particularly Josh, are of people and their sexuality choices. “Me thinks thou dost protest too much” (Shakespeare) comes to mind -pointing their fingers outwardly and hiding secrets inwardly

    1. Yes for sure Deborah. I wanted to focus on the victims so didn’t veer off into their political/social influence or attempts at influence. Here in Northwest Arkansas – after all they probably don’t live more than 30 minutes from me – they have tried to wield a huge influence over social policy. And it’s obviously been with an extremely conservative bent. Thanks for your comment. As always, you add much to the discussion.

    2. Yes for sure Deborah. I wanted to focus on the victims so didn’t veer off into their political/social influence or attempts at influence. Here in Northwest Arkansas – after all they probably don’t live more than 30 minutes from me – they have tried to wield a huge influence over social policy. And it’s obviously been with an extremely conservative bent. Thanks for your comment. As always, you add much to the discussion.

  3. They said we forgive him and that’s the end of it? What about the other children? They likely knew if they reported him that he would be taken out of the home to protect the other children. But by not reporting him they broke Child Protection laws and all the children could have been removed. They all have to live with their decisions, but what happened to these babies hurts so much.

    1. The report indicates the statute of limitations in Arkansas for child abuse investigation is three years. And that seems to have protected him due to the way all the things occurred. As far as the role of forgiveness, I know as a clinician, the word “forgiveness” means so many things to so many different people due to their spiritual beliefs that I do not talk about it in therapy. If my patients bring it up, then great. Thank you for commenting.

  4. I’m stunned. This is not just sexual abuse, it is incest. Those poor sisters are dealing with the pain of both. The son is a deviant, who will likely abuse again. It’s about power and he deserves punishment. There should not be a statute of limitations on child abuse!

    1. It is a complicated and not so complicated case all at the same time Jennifer. As someone said on Facebook, if any professionals had been involved, reporting would have been mandatory. Thanks for your comment.

  5. With all due respect, I think you are ignoring a major reason this was kept secret for years–money. Their show would have been cancelled. By keeping this under wraps, the money continued to flow and the Duggars continued to reproduce, live, and preach their hypocritical lifestyle, always hyper-vigilant for sin in others (gays, pro-choice advocates, etc.). I wonder how pro-life they would have been if one of these abused girls had become pregnant with her brother’s child? Judgmental hypocrites, indiscriminately breeding in an over-populated world, ignoring orphans that desperately need homes. Now, the jig is finally up. Jesus is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card. Women seem to be undervalued in the Duggar world, except as brood mares.

    1. Hi Trinity02. I wanted to stay away from assumptions of motivation. In fact, toward the end, when I got close, i quickly stated, ‘I don’t know’ and left it at that. Nor did I want it to drift in the direction of commenting about their religious views. I wanted the post’s direction to be about the victims. Thank you for stating your point respectfully. I am sure there are those who agree with you. And those who don’t.

  6. My oldest brother has the same “it’s all about me” approach to what he did to me years ago. In a conversation with our other brother (who finally confirmed that this happened at all) his concern was whether he could still get in trouble with the law for it. Not that he ruined any chance for me to have a relationship with a guy, not that what he did was disgusting and unforgiveable. He dismissed it as “regular experimentation”. My other brother’s response to that was, “for 5 years?” The only thing close to remorse that he’s shown is that “I’ve done some bad things in my life that I’ll have to answer for.” Me, Me, and Me again.
    I have seen a few therapists who basically wasted my time. I am not consumed with anger about this anymore, because after 30 years, someone finally confirmed something I’ve known to be true nearly my entire life.
    I don’t expect anyone else in my family to cut him out of their life, but I’ve had nothing to do with him for almost 20 years now, and I don’t miss him a bit.

    1. Wow Stacey. What a powerful statement. Thank you so much. With your permission, I may copy this as a perfect example of the damage done by the lack of victim awareness and empowerment. Such a jargonistic word – I don’t really like it but there it is. Regular experimentation my friggin eye. I am so so sorry that happened to you. How disgusting about him and demeaning for you. I am glad, if he has never accepted responsibility, or begged forgiveness and atoned somehow, that you have cut off contact. Again thank you.

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