511 SelfWork: Emotional Fitness and Being The Hero of Your Own Life: Dr. Nick Wignall

Dr. Nick Wignall speaks about the vital importance of emotional fitness and becoming the hero of your life. This whole concept is intriguing and suggests that finding and maintaining your own sense of agency – of having some sense of and belief in your ability to have an impact on your life.

Understanding emotional fitness is not just about recognizing the feelings we experience but also about actively managing them. Many people find themselves in situations where they feel overwhelmed by their emotions, which can lead to stress and anxiety. By implementing practices that enhance emotional fitness, individuals can learn to navigate these challenges more effectively.

Here are a few words from Nick:

“Historically, the field of psychology and emotional health has been dominated by an insight model, which implies that if we only understand ourselves better, we will feel better. To my mind, this is hopelessly naive.”

And SelfWork listeners know that this is my stance as well… Insight is helpful and can illuminate what needs to happen. But knowing what you can do about something – that’s what leads to hope.

 

What is emotional fitness?

Emotional fitness encompasses a variety of skills, such as resilience, self-awareness, and emotional regulation. For example, someone who practices emotional fitness might engage in mindfulness techniques to stay grounded during stressful situations, allowing them to respond rather than react impulsively.

“While often necessary, insight is rarely sufficient for meaningful change. Just like reading books about music theory won’t make you a piano virtuoso, spending years reflecting on and talking about your past won’t make you feel more confident or be less depressed.”

Moreover, developing emotional fitness is akin to cultivating physical fitness. Just as someone would follow a workout routine to strengthen their body, individuals can build their emotional muscle through consistent practice. This could include journaling, seeking therapy, or participating in support groups, which can all enhance emotional health.

“Emotional health comes from good habits, not clever ideas.”

“In the same way that the body relies on healthy habits and exercise to stay fit and strong, our emotional health depends on healthy habits of mind.”

Practicing gratitude can also play a significant role in maintaining emotional fitness. Keeping a gratitude journal, for instance, can shift focus away from negative experiences and foster a positive mindset. This simple habit can lead to increased happiness and lower levels of stress over time.

“So while it’s popular to talk about emotional intelligence, I’m far more interested in emotional fitness.”

He also discusses what he terms “emotional fear learning” that teaches you to avoid what you fear, instead of challenging and working through it. He specializes in treating “anxious high achievers” who have often allowed fear and anxiety to govern them, rather than tapping into their ability to tolerate uncertainty.

Nick emphasizes the importance of challenging what we fear. An example of this could be someone experiencing social anxiety. Instead of avoiding social gatherings, they might gradually expose themselves to these situations, allowing them to build confidence and diminish their fears.

What does it mean to be “the hero of your own life?”

Here are more of Nick’s own words…

Being the hero of your own life means taking proactive steps to create the life you desire. This often involves setting personal goals and taking actionable steps toward achieving them, even when faced with obstacles. For instance, someone aspiring to change careers might start by networking and gaining new skills while managing their current job.

“You know, I think if you think about any, uh, think about any of your favorite stories growing up as a kid, whether that’s Nancy Drew or The Hobbit or Harry Potter or Moana or whatever it is, the story always starts with the hero who doesn’t feel especially like a hero. They’re kind of insecure. They’re an orphan. They don’t seem to have a lot of potential, right?”

“But what they do, what makes them a hero, it’s not that they’re the smartest or the strongest, or even the most charismatic person in the story. What makes them a hero is that they decide to go off on an adventure to pursue something important to them, even though they don’t feel ready. Even though they feel anxious.”

Nick’s analogy of stories is powerful because it resonates with everyone. Every hero’s journey is relatable, showcasing that growth often occurs outside of our comfort zones. It’s essential to recognize that feeling anxious or unprepared is a common part of any significant change.

“But that, that is kind of core to this idea of agency and being the hero of our own life is… it’s about being willing to kind of hold the fear, to honor the fear. This is tough, this is uncertain. And to do what’s important anyway, despite the fear.”

A little about Dr. Nick Wignall…

Nick lives now in Portland with his wife and four little ones. He has a huge following and I think I know why – he’s a very clear thinker and he makes the tools that he teaches do-able and reachable. He and I went to the same grad school – years apart of course – but I find him incredibly thought-provoking and astute.

Nick’s insights reflect a deep understanding of the struggles faced by many individuals. His approach to emotional fitness encourages people to view their challenges as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable barriers. This perspective can be transformative for those seeking a more fulfilling life.

By the way… 

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