510 SelfWork: Ted Lasso, The Pandemic and The Power of Telling Secrets

This week – in fact to be punctual about it – on August 5^th, 2026 – the first episode of the new Ted Lasso season will be released. Today, we’re going to focus on the meaning of so many of Ted Lasso characters having secrets that they’re keeping…. and the freedom they discover in the telling of them.

 

Ted Lasso…. love it or not…

There’ve been plenty of critics of Ted Lasso. Too sappy – I needed sappy during the pandemic myself. Too careless with the ethics of therapy – well frankly, I thought Dr. Sharon was by far the best version of a therapy-client relationship in real life that I’ve seen. Too much use of the f… word. I do realize that there are plenty of people who rarely hear or say or think that word…. But they don’t live in the world I do, which of course… is fine.

But today we’re going to talk about how many of the characters eventually get to their “back story.” What’s a back story? It’s usually the secrets behind everyone’s curtain of what they seem like or what their lives seem like to others. We hide things because they’re painful to have out in the open. They’re painful kept inside as well… but you can fear telling the secret so much or reliving whatever moment you’ve been hiding… that your secret stays buried.

But as this series so eloquently shows, secrets have power.

Ted Lasso and the pandemic…

During the pandemic, it was my honor to treat many different kinds of people. Many were fighting with an anxiety disorder – which the pandemic was intensely fueling. Some with prior trauma actually handled the situation at first better than others. Why? Because they’d been practicing skills every day that helped them avoid being re-traumatized – things like ‘how is this rationally different than when I was in Afghanistan?” Or avoiding catastrophizing – “this is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to me or to us or to my kids” – It was a very hard time. Even harder for those who already had it hard. Many people lost their lives. But catastrophizing about it wasn’t going to help.

I also treated medical professionals whose jobs were to work in the hospitals and clinics where effective protective equipment was limited or not available – ERs where patients had waited too long to come for help and whose symptoms were already worsening and worsening quickly. Doctors holding the hands of those who were dying instead of their loved ones being able to be there – and trying to do their best to be present.

These docs were fighting their own exhaustion while arguing with clinic patients about the value of vaccines – feeling intensely needed but also highly disrespected and even distrusted by those who weren’t believing the science. And parents… trying to protect their children as best they could while playing so many new roles – like teacher – that they’d never played before.

With my own heart condition and age, I was stuck behind a screen trying to help – trying to support and understand the many people who needed an ear – a safe place to talk about their own fear.

And then in August of 2020, along came Ted Lasso. I didn’t hear about it for a bit… maybe a month or so. But it didn’t take me long to catch up and become a fan. When it was over, I think I watched the season over again, to pick up on the nuances I hadn’t at first. Between that and the much rowdier Bridgerton, we could all be distracted for a bit, glued to our screens.

But what I loved most about it – perhaps because I’d just published a book about the cost of secrets – PHD – we learn, over time, that many characters external way of being, the way each of them presents in public, is hiding or masking or camouflaging something from their past that’s highly charged for them.

Ted Lasso’s telling of very true to life stories…

But the path the script follows isn’t meant for shock value.  No back story is told to excuse or somehow make someone’s behavior “not their responsibility.” That’s what people say who want to criticize recognizing something painful in your past that’s affecting your now or your present. “You’re wanting people to see you as a victim – that you’re not responsible for who you are now.”

In fact, by sharing something with another that holds such tremendous pain for you, you’re taking ultimate responsibility for it. You’re claiming out loud, this happened to me and by sharing it with you, I’m trying to decrease its power over me. I’m tired of it!

Now there’s no magic potion here. “Tell it and it will be gone” type of thing.

But sharing what has been living “rent free” in your mind and your gut and your spirit for maybe years – that’s plaguing your daily life – can feel like a huge release. It’s taking the responsibility to own or to claim that you know its power – and that you’re doing what you can about it. Even when it means you may need to share it with someone else – a therapist, a trusted friend, whomever.

The power of “seems”…

I’ve decided as a therapist for over 30 years – that the word “seems” is an extremely important and valuable word. It speaks to the idea of perspective, “seems to me…”. It speaks to our ability to mask true motivation, to hide mal-intent, as well as to question what is presented as reality. I also understand it as a protective word – a word that slows thinking down, recognizing that what “seems” to be may not be real. As I’ve said before, trust is earned. The more you experience that what seems turns out to be “real” then trust grows.

There’s something about watching someone grapple with some hurt from the past – that’s very meaningful. And it can show you the way.

That’s one of the things you can get from Ted Lasso.

 

 

By the way… 

Send me a message and join the conversation!! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!