508 SelfWork: The Eye-Opening Grief of Disillusionment and Heartbreak

Disillusionment is defined in psychology as a “belief collapse.” And the grief that that implosion can cause can be very hard to work through.

Today’s focus will be on how to do just that – get through disillusionment.

 

What is disillusionment?

Disillusionment happens when something you desire or believe strongly is true and right – something that you’ve worked hard to create or to build – crashes into a harsh reality.

So many of my clients through the years have been disillusioned, demoralized people. They have reached a level of pain in their hearts and very souls that feels overwhelming.

Disillusionment can come in waves… here are two major ones for me.

I wanted to be an opera singer. I loved classical music and had taken all the music classes I could in college, thinking I’d be a double major.

I stood in front of this beautiful little stream in Aspen and cried some very hard tears. I was 24… and lost.

Now my career as a diva vanished before my eyes. I thank the woman who was my teacher there; she gave me her honest assessment of my not-so-hot potential. It was what I needed to hear, although unwelcome at first.

I was heartbroken and disillusioned, not knowing where I was supposed to go next.

Other sources of disillusionment…

But disillusionment can happen elsewhere… not only in a relationship.

It can come from realizing that someone you followed – whether you actually knew them or not – someone whose words you allowed to sink into your heart – may have guided your actions.

What’s also shocking at times is how the very thing someone preached against – or they swore on whatever religious symbol meant something to them that those things were evil and bad – they are in fact guilty of exactly the crime that they’d railed against as despicable, even unforgivable.

You can find lots of posts on celebrities or very well-known people who quickly slid into the mud when their true colors were discovered.

You may still believe in one of these folks. And maybe some of them didn’t “deserve” how they were treated. But the fall was sudden and swift.

How to prevent disillusionment…

Maya Angelou – who I’ve greatly admired over the years – said, “When someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them.” That seems like such wise and even easy advice. But we don’t do it.

Disillusionment can become its own problem if and when you don’t realize your part in what happened.

But… or I should say “and” – that doesn’t mean that you won’t feel grief for having to work through that disillusionment and belief implosion or collapse.

I’m not talking about blame here. I don’t think it’s all that healthy to wallow in self-blame or other-blame, because you won’t grow. You won’t use this experience to evolve.

Then there’s something else I can recommend. Give your grief meaning.

When your grief has meaning – not that it gathers from its source, but from its existence, then it will also feel as if it moves – it has direction.

And you can always ask for help from others that are going through their own grief. Podcasts like “Terrible. Thanks for Asking” or YouTube channels that focus on grief are great resources.

Sponsored by: 

This episode is generously supported by BetterHelp: To get $ off your first month of therapy services, click here! 

By the way… 

Send me a message and join the conversation!! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

.

.