504 SelfWork: Your Questions and Answers: Is Anorexia Back “In”, Borderline Moms, and Mother/Son Enmeshment

Dr. Margaret will focus today on questions and answers that listeners have sent her by either voicemail or email.

I so appreciate it when either listeners to the podcast or readers on my website comment to me, leave me a Speakpipe voicemail, or send in an email! I feel like I get to know you so much better – who really is listening or looking for answers? I can’t use them all… I wish I could!

So thank you to any and all of you who’ve sent in questions and comments. Keep them coming!

 

Questions and answers from Dr. Margaret…

First question: Is anorexia back “in” as the model for beauty?

If you’ve watched any of the award shows lately – or you’ve watched Tiktok’s or viewed Instagram posts with horribly thin women like Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo,  are being praised and touted as beautiful… you know that we’re going through another time when beauty – for some – is once again returning to some kind of horrifically thin standard.

There are people who are countering that movement with posts and clips of their own about healthy strong bodies being best. And I’m glad for that.

But with the advent of GLP-1 medications – which are a godsend to many who’ve fought obesity and/or diabetes for years – it also seems that a category of thinness is back in style. Not that it’s ever been totally out of the picture.

If you’ve never known anyone with an eating disorder, or if you’ve never had one yourself – you can even envy people who are thin. But I promise you… the disease of anorexia or bulimia is not only the most dangerous mental illness you can have – but it’s the most lethal.

Second question and answer from Dr. M….

Why am I allowing my mom (who has definite borderline traits) to take up so much emotional space in my life?

What I’m also struck by is the listener’s almost confusion… “why when I’ve developed lots of skills around taking care of myself (which was probably necessary due to her mother’s ineffectiveness as a caregiver…), why am I allowing my mom to take up so much emotional space in my life? I wouldn’t allow this to happen if it were anyone else. So what’s my problem? I can see the facts. I’ve grown up to be a good mother myself and feel successful in my life. So, why does this thing with my mom so consume me?”

There are three points I make to her – first and foremost, any mother whose also a primary caregiver is going to have a huge impact on you. There’s no way around that. Tune in to hear the rest!

Last question and answer from Dr. Margaret…

Is the sadness that I openly show unintentionally setting up my son, whose about to leave home, does it set him to feel guilty? 

Here’s the answer Dr. M. wrote to her… because this is definitely a sign of enmeshment.

“What a thoughtful question and one that’s not simple to answer. The immediate question I have is who else in your life is someone that can support you emotionally? If no one, then that’s something you might want to try to better understand and act to create that or those relationships in your life. That may mean therapy. That may mean growing your awareness of why or why not – and then doing something about it. Him knowing you’re sad is one thing, right? But guilt over leaving is something else – and it sounds as if that’s what you’re grappling with. Good luck to you and to him.”

But there’s more to her answer here on the episode.

To recap, the questions and answers shared today highlight important themes in emotional health and relationships.

By the way… 

Send me a message and join the conversation!! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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