5 Myths About Suicide That Can Keep You From Recognizing Risk

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency number. In the United States, call or text 988 for free, confidential support. Outside the United States, use this international directory of crisis lines to find help where you live.

Suicide is difficult to talk about. But avoiding the subject doesn’t make anyone safer. In fact, the myths and stigma surrounding suicide can keep you from recognizing when someone may be in danger, or from admitting when you yourself need help.

Especially if you’re a high-functioning person, if absolutely no one would guess that you were struggling – then this could be even more important for you to consider.

So many people have contacted me since I began writing about perfectly hidden depression, where they lost someone to suicide who they’d never have even dreamed might die in that way.

Their pain is so very real.

 

So here are the suicide facts…

According to the CDC, 48,824 people in the United States died by suicide in 2024. Millions more seriously considered, planned or attempted suicide. Those numbers don’t describe one kind of person or one kind of life. A person can be struggling with a diagnosed mental illness, an overwhelming crisis, a devastating loss, prolonged stress, or a combination of circumstances that has left them unable to imagine relief.

Suicide isn’t inevitable. Suicidal crises can pass, and people can be helped. One of the most useful things we can do is replace fear and misinformation with honest conversation.

In this first of two articles, let’s look at five myths that can prevent you from recognizing risk.

Myth 1: Only people with mental illness die by suicide

Mental illness is an important risk factor, but it isn’t the whole story. Not everyone who experiences suicidal thoughts has a diagnosed mental health condition, and most people with mental illness do not die by suicide.

Suicidal thoughts can also arise in response to relationship problems, legal or financial trouble, persecution, eviction or loss of housing, trauma, abuse, rejection, serious illness, the death of a loved one or another recent crisis. Often, several pressures are occurring at once.

This matters because you may overlook someone’s risk if they don’t fit your image of a person who’s “mentally ill.” Someone may look successful, productive and happy while privately feeling trapped or hopeless.

Myth 2: Once someone becomes suicidal, they’ll always be suicidal

Suicidal thoughts can return, especially when an underlying illness or recurring stress isn’t adequately treated. But they aren’t necessarily permanent.

An acute suicidal crisis is often tied to a particular period of unbearable emotional pain. When that pain eases, circumstances change or effective support becomes available, the person’s desire to die may also recede. People who have experienced suicidal thoughts or survived attempts can (and do!) go on to live long and meaningful lives.

You should take every episode seriously without treating the person as permanently defined by it.

Or somehow decide they’re not to be trusted or believed ever again.

Somehow, you might consider that that’s your own anger for their attempt happening. And seek help for how to let go of that anger – maybe couples or conjoint work here is necessary for healing.

Now, somewhat contradictorily.. here’s another myth.

Myth 3: If someone survives an attempt, they won’t try again

A previous suicide attempt is one of the strongest indicators of future risk. Survival doesn’t mean the underlying despair has resolved.

After an attempt, compassionate follow-up matters. The person needs continued care, support and connection…not shame, anger or pressure to reassure everyone that they’re now “fine.” Safety planning, appropriate treatment and reducing access to lethal means can all play an important role.

Again, I’d highly recommend working in therapy together surrounding this fearful fact.

Myth 4: Suicide usually happens without warning

Some deaths do appear to come without warning, and no friend or family member should automatically conclude that they missed something obvious. But many people show changes in words or behavior before a suicide attempt.

Comments may begin indirectly: “I wish I weren’t here,” “Nothing matters,” “Everyone would be better off without me” or “I can’t do this anymore.” Over time, they may become more explicit.

Other warning signs can include:

• Withdrawing from friends, family or community
• Increasing alcohol or drug use
• Dramatic changes in mood
• Acting recklessly or impulsively
• Expressing hopelessness, feeling trapped or that they are a burden
• Giving away valued possessions
• Saying goodbye in an unusual or final-sounding way
• Organizing personal papers, paying debts or tying up loose ends
• Seeking access to pills, firearms or other lethal means

No single behavior proves that someone is suicidal. Risk factors and warning signs aren’t crystal balls. But a concerning change, especially several signs together, is a reason to ask directly and seek help.

Myth 5: Suicide is always an impulsive act

Some attempts occur during a brief and highly dangerous surge of distress. But the idea that suicide simply appears out of nowhere is often inaccurate. A person may have contemplated it, researched it, written about it, hinted at it or confided in someone before acting.

With adolescents (and this is quite scary for parents to realize..) that confidante is often another young person rather than a parent or teacher. Adults need to help children understand that keeping a friend’s suicidal thoughts secret isn’t an act of loyalty. A friend can listen and care, but a responsible adult or professional needs to be brought in.

And when someone talks about suicide, we shouldn’t dismiss it as attention-seeking or “crying wolf.” The need for attention is itself a need for connection and help.

Recognizing risk is only the beginning…

You can’t predict every suicide. And you shouldn’t turn every bad mood into a crisis, or place responsibility for another person’s death on friends or family members who didn’t know what was happening.

But you can become more willing to notice changes, take someone’s words seriously and ask what’s really going on. Recognizing that someone may be at risk gives you the opportunity to respond—and that response can matter tremendously.

In the second part of this series, I’ll address five more myths, including the fear that asking about suicide will put the idea in someone’s head. We’ll also look at why outward success and perfectionism can sometimes conceal profound distress.

In the United States, call or text 988 for free, confidential support 24 hours a day. If there is immediate physical danger, call 911.

By the way… 

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