492 SelfWork: Revisiting Perfectly Hidden Depression

In this episode, Dr. Margaret gives her best advice about enmeshment, Anne Burrell’s suicide, and perfectly hidden depression to those that have reached out to her in the past few months.

This episode is kind of a grab bag; one comment from a woman who loved Anne Burrell (as a response to a piece I wrote about her), another from a young man in an arranged marriage whose mother is harsh and who he feels very controlled by.

Then I’m also bringing in some comments from the TEDx on perfectly hidden depression – they’re so relatable and hit to the core of the message.

And… my new workbook was published on April 1st and is now available to you! If your drive is driving you, if you have to keep people from sensing that you may struggle, if you’re someone who keeps tight emotional control always… this workbook may be for you!

 

The camouflage of perfectly hidden depression… 

But what’s the camouflage of perfectly hidden depression?

It’s when – for protection from pain or fear, discrimination or abuse – you don’t let others see that fear or hurt. You push it far away from who you seem to be publicly. And you begin performing your life. You begin to play the role you think will work best for you, and will keep you protected. And you can become highly invested in keeping others out of your inner world. The only thing you allow them to see… is a practiced, even keel, in control version of yourself.

That performance can demand constant attention, relentless efforts at keeping your performance at its highest level.  You can become exhausted but still need to look strong. In a moment when you might feel the creeping desire to ask someone for help, you push yourself relentlessly to be independent. In charge. You can fear anyone peaking under that lid of camouflage, so you religiously check that it’s locked in tight.

What you can do about perfectly hidden depression… 

Working on destructive perfectionism is work. But it’s very important work.

Because you are more than what you accomplish. Your life shouldn’t be all about checking boxes – all the time. “Did that. Got that.”

And maybe…. just maybe… after you’ve begun this work, you can pause before donning your camouflage. And decide instead to share. To connect. To live this moment in whatever state of being you’re in.

When you’re performing, it can get so bad that suicidal thoughts can rise to the surface. And yet no one would know. Like Stuart says in this video, he was an expert at performing.

Until luckily and with a lot of work, he found a way out of that prison.

And so can you.

By the way… 

Send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

.

.