Grief is never easy. And it can be made harder by the many things that happen with grief that you’re not prepared for – or believe ‘should’ be happening or ‘shouldn’t’. Dr. Elizabeth Kübler Ross made the observation about terminally ill people that they seemed to go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But she never meant for that model, no matter how interactive or nonlinear we may think about it – to become what it’s become – some kind of standard yardstick where you’re supposed to measure if you’re grieving the ‘right’ way.
There’s not a right way. And it’s been my professional and personal experience that grief has a way of weaving in and out of your awareness. It’s not like there’s a tangible end. You may know when your grief began. And it’s not that it’s never-ending – that can be very difficult if that happens and cause deep depression and a kind of forlorn emptiness. But there may be days or weeks when you don’t really feel it – and then suddenly, your grief reappears. Or there’s an anniversary of a death – or simply life bringing you back to your sadness.
So, we dig deeper into grief today featuring an episode I did two years ago. I’m having a little outpt surgery and am a bit behind. So I thought this would be helpful to many of you who’ve had loss around the holidays – or really anyone. One story at the end of the episode comes from a mother’s story after losing her son. She says (and this isn’t a quote), “He loved me deeply and I’ll honor that love. I can’t die along with him.”
As hard as that may be. It may be the most important idea to take away with you.
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Other offerings from Dr. Margaret
You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!
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