“Low self-esteem” is one of the symptoms or reflections of classic depression. Of course, it goes along with other symptoms or signs – a negative self-image, feelings of helplessness and/or hopelessness, not enjoying much of anything – which is called anhedonia.
But how do you increase self-esteem? What is self-esteem anyway? It’s a recognition of your value – of your worth. You can have high self-esteem, low self-esteem, or an inflated sense of self-esteem where you think too highly of yourself and even see others as less valuable or worthy than you.
So, self-esteem often gets built in your childhood as your caregivers provide you with not only safety and security, but with love. They give you the message that you’re valuable – right?
Well, maybe not. Maybe they don’t give you that message. Or maybe your parents did a pretty good job, not perfect but good enough. But you had other relationships – or chose them – where you got the message that you weren’t so valuable after all.
This is the focus today on SelfWork – what you can do about low self-esteem after it has seeped into your very being. It’s work – but everything worthwhile typically is.
Our listener email is from a man from South Jersey who asks how you know if you’re with the right therapist. It’s another great question so I’ll do my best to answer it. Here’s one clue – it seems to me that if you’re asking that question, you may be overly doubting of yourself and your choices in general OR your therapy isn’t providing you with things that you can see are valuable and are helping you to change in desirable ways. Or both. Basically, could it be an issue with trusting yourself? Listen in to hear my answer!
Now Available!
Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook
Healing begins with risking transparency. This workbook can help.
Vital Links:
Recent SelfWork Episode on dealing with my own shame
001 SelfWork: Episode answering the question “What is good therapy?”
SelfWork episode describing how therapy works… or can work
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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!
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Recently retired. I lost my tribe. It has been difficult. I thought I was experiencing depression. Loss of my community/work family was grief. But one factor my new doctor found is my hormones were all but absent. Estrogen unreadable, progesterone 1. Testosterone was 1. She explained during loss without these hormones can lead to searching out a dopamine hit with alcohol/drugs/food/shopping/
gambling/etc.Further increasing isolation and feelings of hopelessness.
Bottom line; don’t ignore our physicality, and build a tribe/community. We need each other. Not everything is attributable to depression, anxiety, or how our family has treated us. Trying to justify why we are feeling low. Check everything out, don’t rule out important factors that can also have deleterious effects. Non-self blame feels good. “See, there really was something wrong.”
I’m feeling at least about 60% better after a month of mild HRT, 1 therapy session, walking with my neighbor, going to the ‘Y’ for exercise, eating well, and staying away from toxic substances and people.
It all helps!!
Pamela