Today we’re focusing on self-absorption – being highly preoccupied with your own concerns, your inner thoughts, or yourself in general. Depression can be viewed as an “implosion of the self” which creates self-absorption. I’m speaking of self-absorption not in a condescending or judgmental way, but as a way of helping the person who’s depressed, as well as the people who are trying to love them, to understand how two possible components of depression – anhedonia and apathy – can be perceived in relationships as self-centeredness or self-absorption. And, as always, what to do about it.
The listener voicemail this week is from a woman whose mother is always “one-upping” her, meaning her mom says she hurts more, or has accomplished more… the topic doesn’t really matter. Her mother doesn’t offer affirmation for her daughter, but remains in a weird kind of competition with her. And her daughter is very, very lonely.
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Article in Psychology Today by Dr. Leon Seltzer on self-absorption
The difference between anhedonia and apathy in depression
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I appreciate these words coming from someone who has been affiliated with AA/NA for several years, just to understand that it seemed to be some kind of strange, huge cult of this is not good, but this is ok so to speak. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am the epitomy of everyone who needed a sign of when to run from certain things that came out of my mouth or certain reactions, even as a child. My brother committed suicide back in 2008 and now the Irs has changed it’s tax dates from April 15th which was his birthday, by the way his mother’s side of the family was devout Jewish, and one of the last things he said to me is that he didn’t want to hurt people. Works done in secret surprises people and sometimes makes those who it surprises angry because they are the ones who chose to cut off these people and condemn them. I got to the point of putting in the google searchbar these exact words, “well ok i’m a drug addict, stupid mom who gives in to every craptalking liar and now am being prevented from committing suicide by me, what am i?”, and I found your site Dr. Margaret Rutherford. (as well as “cake”) The words on enmeshment helped me understand my relationship with my children to a degree and also how easily I am diswayed from my own thoughts of what I know to say or do and just don’t. The same has become apparent and seemingly true with friends, my parents, and those whom I have tried to trust enough to do the works shown that I’ve also been shown to be a “temporary fix”. Now I am a liar, known drug addict, and now seemingly unworthy of even being used to create, or maintain any kind of relationship and I find myself not even opening up to the homeless with whom I have recently become answering the question of one girl who asked the first time I went homeless was I wonder why people always seem to become homeless again. WEllahh! here I am again. Have been to many churches attemtping to understand my internal hope and my brother’s suicide and my other family members seemingly to follow the same stupid steps, I am just the worst one. Thanks again for the words and the answers. Hope I get a response so that I may bring you peace as well. Also I have come to the conclusion that it never can seem to change because these people have either lost their scapegoat, their dog or their friend and has a difficult time understanding what works it may take to get it back some have hope in a little of the works they do and some are just ok with the broken hearts and become hardened to hope. God help us all. Diana Hoyt
I’m not sure I understand all of your response… but thank you for commenting.