291 SelfWork: The Elephant In The Room: Five Tips On Caring About Someone Who Won’t Help Themselves

What’s one of the most frequent questions I get from SelfWorkers?

 What do you do when you care about someone who’s depressed or destructive or anxious or ill and they don’t seem to be able to or even want to help themselves? Maybe from your perspective they’ve given up, are in denial, or are extremely defensive about how they’re living or how their struggles are impacting you, the family, them, their job – their entire life.  Part of many mental and emotional problems – especially those that involve seeming distortions in thinking – are hard to recognize by the person who has those very beliefs or behaviors. Or maybe they don’t see their depression – or their impulsivity – or their hypervigilance – as something that could be helped and/or treated.

When you’re trying to love them, you can feel confusion, helplessness, self-righteousness, anger, sadness, irritation, disappointment – so many emotions. So today, we’ll focus on five tips of what to do  – or try to do about it. And a quick hint… sometimes the “it” isn’t how to get your point across to the other person. Sometimes it means looking at yourself and reevaluating your own choices.

The listener email today is from a young woman who found my book PHD on Audible recently and she’s giving me what the book has meant to her. You might find yourself in her story… and if so, I hope the book could help you as well.

And in response to hearing from many of you these past few weeks about the meaning of Perfectly Hidden Depression for you – and for a little summer kick, here’s a giveaway for you!!!  Email me at askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com or send me a voicemail.via SpeakPipe … and for the 10th email and the 4th Speakpipe, I’ll send you a free signed copy of my book PHD! So two ways of winning!

Here are the five tips:

1. Make sure you check your own agenda.
2. Remain available but know you may have to emotionally detach.
3. Recognize your loved one may not have the capacity to make the desired change at this time. Maybe they’re learning something they need to learn.
4. Take care of yourself, and by so doing, you’re acting as a role model as well.
5. Keep watch over your own mental and emotional state. Find a trusted friend or therapist to confide in.

So in this episode of SW, also sponsored by AG1, let’s focus on how you can approach or cope with depression and anxiety disorders in someone you love – when they themselves can’t seem to try or don’t agree with you that something is a problem.

 

Important Links: 

Click Here for the fabulous offer from Athletic Greens – now AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Wonderful Tiny Buddha article on what to do when someone you love won’t help themselves.

Excellent article on Boardwalk Recovery: about Al-Anon

YouTube video on recent rise of young female suicides in Japan

Perfectly Hidden Depression Questionnaire

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!