Do you or someone you know apologize all the time? This can stem from several dynamics – if you’re in an abusive relationship currently or there was trauma in your childhood where you’ve grown up believing that the fault when relationships or events go sour is somehow all yours. There’s also the presence of anxiety or more specifically OCD, or what’s termed “the spotlight effect.” We’ll talk about all of these and more.

So we’ll talk about how to catch yourself from that unnecessary “I’m sorry” and change it into something that notices when things aren’t quite right, but doesn’t indicate a one-down position.

The listener voicemails for today share two distinct ways of thinking about aging. I wrote a post called “turning 58” years ago now – and both of them had strong reactions. The fact that they both were sent to me in a short period of time was ironic – and it would be easy to label one “Good” and the other one “Bad.” I’d like us to listen instead with compassion and see what could help both.

So welcome to this episode of SelfWork sponsored by BetterHelp – and let’s talk about over-apologizing and as always, what to do about it.

Important Links:

The spotlight effect research described.

Beverly Engel’s book The Power of an Apology,

Therapist Sharon Martin’s take on how to stop apologizing .

The Swaddle’s take about where the power of apologizing lies… and why some apologize and others don’t.

Forbes article on how over-apologizing can steal your self-confidence.

My blogpost on Turning 58.

BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click hereand answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has been published and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

Now there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels.

242 SelfWork: The Over-Apologizer: Are You One? via @doctormargaret
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