20 Comments

  1. It’s important that divorced parents don’t lose sight of what’s in the best interest of the children. My first husband and I divorced when our children were grade-school ages and 24 years later I can say they turned out well. We didn’t always follow all your advice but enough of it to have a good result.

  2. This is a really thorough article – I wish I’d had this as a resource when I was recently divorced. It’s so hard to be perfect, but I’m hoping my ex- and I avoided most of these, at least most of the time.

  3. Great advice. my kids were 14 when we divorced, been a year now, and they seem to be happy and adjusted. My ex and I absolutely put the kids first in every situation and that seems to be working, It’s sad, but we are moving on.

  4. As a Family Law attorney who often represents children, I see much of the described behavior all too often. The resulting effect on the children is the same whether a parent is more focused on the battle with the ex or so absorbed in their own hurt that they aren’t prioritizing the children’s emotional welfare. There is no “good divorce” when it comes to children – only less devastating ones. Thank you for this concise guide – I’ll be sharing it.

    1. That is an excellent point Shel. Blog posts can get too long so there’s a lot I left out, like introducing a new boyfriend or girlfriend way too fast. I had to stop somewhere! Thanks for writing and sharing. That means a lot.

  5. We only thought my 11-year-old stepson was fine with his parents’ divorce. He was an only child, who subsequently was raised like a little prince. It backfired on all of us, big time. It literally killed my husband, James. His last words to me were, “If I thought I’d failed as a parent, I would have failed as a human being.” He went for a walk and died… of a broken heart.

    1. You make an excellent point Brenda. Children can seem as if they’re adjusting, but either the relationship dynamics between the parents or what occurs as a seeming consequence of the divorce, is not always appropriate or healthy. I am sad that your husband seemed to have so much shame about it, and that you lost him so early. Thanks for writing.

    2. You make an excellent point Brenda. Children can seem as if they’re adjusting, but either the relationship dynamics between the parents or what occurs as a seeming consequence of the divorce, is not always appropriate or healthy. I am sad that your husband seemed to have so much shame about it, and that you lost him so early. Thanks for writing.

  6. Enduring dilemma: who decides what’s best for a child? Choice of schools, doctors, camps, sports teams and holidays requires finding common ground, rare among parents who don’t
    share similar values or communication styles. A mediator can help only when both parents commit to a process of consistently sharing information & acknowledging the right of other parent to differ.

      1. Agreed, Have you found one parent needing “to be right” more than the other? I have noticed that women tend to feel they know “what is best” for younger children but it probably cuts both ways.

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