Bickering is a bad habit. These are fights that are practically scripted – you know what your partner is going to say and they know what you’re going to say before you ever say it as well. But you can recognize these patterns and figure out what you’re actually fighting about. Things like trust, control, and insecurity are in the background, fueling the squabbling and fighting. There is good news. At least if you’re fighting, you still care and that’s far better than apathy. We’ll take a look at these patterns and as always, what you can do about it.

The listener email today is from someone who’s listened to the podcasts on shame and can identify when she’s shaming herself, but still can’t stop.

Important link:

A wonderful book on maintaining true intimacy —  The Four Agreements.


You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!



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