1. Re: Episode 36

    Thank you so much for this episode. I have never faced the truth of this shame nor have I been willing to acknowledge its existence. While I have gotten to a place of peace with being sexually abused, my lack of connection to this part of the abuse shame has kept my whole self from being healed, not just my head and heart.

    I mistook my inability to allow arousal during intimacy to being about control. This episode helped me realize that it is/was this shame that has kept me shut off from vulnerable intimacy. My marriage dissolved because there was no intimacy; a pattern I thought would end in the commitment of marriage. Sadly this only added more shame to the situation and the cycle continued.

    While I wish I had found you before my marriage began to fall apart, I am hopeful that I can now forgive myself for being unable to show up intimately with husband. You have also given me the words to address the darkest part of my shame which I know will help me move forward.

    1. I am touched deeply by your words. First I’m so sorry you’ve experiences continuing shame from something that wasn’t in your control. And I’m so glad that what I’ve learned from others was and is helpful to you. One of the questions I hear (and have asked myself often…), “Why couldn’t I figure this out myself? Maybe I wouldn’t have made that mistake…” Or something like that. When no one, or very few, talk about this phenomenon, then victims who experience it will continue to walk in shame. Thank you so much for sharing this with me, and others. Maybe you will give the same gift to someone else — that of understanding and self-acceptance. Take good care.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.