Hiding or detaching temporarily from emotional pain is a healthy skill. If you have something hurtful happen, but you need to “get your act together” in order to work, or watch children, then knowing you can do that rather than being besieged by your pain, reflects emotional competence. However, people who perfectly hide depression have honed this skill to perfection, and rarely allow themselves to reveal their own sadness, disappointment, or grief.  They wall off a painful past and strive to create a persona of happiness and personal success.

What are the causes or contexts that lead to this strategy? In today’s podcast, Dr. Margaret offers nine possibilities, many being rooted in childhood, and others being tied to culture, gender and family belief systems. If you find yourself in her words, you might want to listen to her other podcasts on PHD (Episode 003, 004, 021, and 031).

Her response to a listener email today is about how you build self-esteem in the workplace.

Important links for today’s broadcast:

An article on the vast amount of cultural difference between emotional latitudes and expression.

Audible version of Sheryl Sandberg’s book: Lean In




You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s a new way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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