1. Hi Dr. Rutherford,

    I’m a social worker working with youth in foster care. What resources would you recommend for a older teen with a long and tumultuous history of being raised by a parent who likely has Cluster B disorders? This is a very intelligent youth who loves to read, and is very interested in figuring out how to maintain a relationship with the parent, but will not be living with that parent again. Thank you.

    1. Hi Kate. There are a couple of books that I might recommend. First is “Stop Walking On Eggshells”, a classic for someone trying to be in a relationship with someone with borderline traits. “Disarming The Narcissist” is also very helpful. My favorite is actually “Understanding The Borderline Mother” — however it is quite an extensive read. It outlines the different categories of borderline personality disorder, describes the likely effect it has on the children, and then talks about the different ways of relating to someone with BPD, while also staying out of the vortex of emotion that may be waiting for you. Kudos to you for working with these teens who have had such a traumatic start to their lives and obviously caring a great deal.

      1. Thank you very much for your recommendations. I’ve been trying to find the right resources that will help her understand the “why” without frightening her with the effects of these disorders on the children of people who suffer with them. This youth desperately wants to figure out how to have some kind of relationship with her parent, so it sounds like “Stop Walking on Eggshells” might be a good starting point!

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