011 SelfWork: The Emotionally Abusive Mother
Emotional abuse is very real for many, When it comes from a parent, the damage done can horrific and life-altering. This is a complex issue — and Dr. Margaret talks about it with understanding and compassion for all involved,
Today’s post describes a mother who meets criteria for what’s termed Borderline Personality Disorder, (BPD) which is a way of relating to self and others that is intense and unpredictable, often filled with severe mood swings and actions. Dr. Margaret will use the book “Understanding The Borderline Mother,” by Dr, Christine Lawson to help you understand the various types of BPD, as well as the impact of their vulnerabilities on the children in their care.
Her focus will then move into healing as an adult — “What you can do about it,”
We’ll discuss:
- What is borderline personality disorder?
- What else can cause emotional instability?
- Types of borderlines.
- Seven ways you can heal.
- We’ll also read an email with questions and answers about coping with an alcoholic emotionally abusive father.
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Other important links:
Here’s an exhaustive list of terms having to do with personality disorders:
Other resources: “Stop Walking On Eggshells” and “Lost In The Mirror.” “Disarming The Narcissist” and “Trapped In The Mirror,” great books for understanding borderline and narcissistic disorders.
You can hear more about mental health and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive one weekly newsletter including my weekly blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!
My new book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression has arrived and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.
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Hi Dr. Rutherford,
I’m a social worker working with youth in foster care. What resources would you recommend for a older teen with a long and tumultuous history of being raised by a parent who likely has Cluster B disorders? This is a very intelligent youth who loves to read, and is very interested in figuring out how to maintain a relationship with the parent, but will not be living with that parent again. Thank you.
Hi Kate. There are a couple of books that I might recommend. First is “Stop Walking On Eggshells”, a classic for someone trying to be in a relationship with someone with borderline traits. “Disarming The Narcissist” is also very helpful. My favorite is actually “Understanding The Borderline Mother” — however it is quite an extensive read. It outlines the different categories of borderline personality disorder, describes the likely effect it has on the children, and then talks about the different ways of relating to someone with BPD, while also staying out of the vortex of emotion that may be waiting for you. Kudos to you for working with these teens who have had such a traumatic start to their lives and obviously caring a great deal.
Thank you very much for your recommendations. I’ve been trying to find the right resources that will help her understand the “why” without frightening her with the effects of these disorders on the children of people who suffer with them. This youth desperately wants to figure out how to have some kind of relationship with her parent, so it sounds like “Stop Walking on Eggshells” might be a good starting point!
Hopefully the book will help. With appropriate boundary setting, things can get better with time.