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Dr. Margaret Rutherford

A perfect-seeming life can serve as camouflage for immense inner pain. I call it perfectly hidden depression.

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Meet Dr. Margaret

Hi there, I’m Dr Margaret. I became a therapist because therapy helped me see how I was creating chaos in my life – and stop. So, for the last decade, I’ve shared what I’ve learned along the way. Both through reading website posts and listening to The SelfWork Podcast, you can learn about diverse topics like therapy, depression, anxiety, and relationships – and find out what you can do about it. What’s my particular passion? How the danger of perfectionism, when it’s fueled by shame and fear, can act as camouflage for underlying trauma and pain. If you feel that you’re living in a cage of tight emotional control, if you fear others might “see” behind that facade, then you’re in the right place. I call it perfectly hidden depression. Subscribe to sign up for my free weekly newsletter which offers the easiest and most convenient access to it all! .

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Most Recent Episodes


343 SelfWork: What Is Emotional Regulation? It’s Both Self-Control and Self-Protection

342 SelfWork: Five Ways of Dealing with Defensiveness, Enmeshment Dynamics, and Roles Vs Relationships: Your Questions My Answers

341 SelfWork: The Five Mental Mistakes of Depression: 4. Not Seeing The Trees for The Forest 5. Unrealistic Expectations

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Perfectly Hidden Depression

Available now! ↦

If you were raised to believe that painful emotions are a sign of weakness, or if being vulnerable has always made you feel unsafe, then you may have survived by creating a perfect-looking life—a life where you appear to be successful, engaged, and always there for others. The problem? You’re filled with self-criticism and shame, and you can’t allow yourself to express fear, anger, loss, or grief. You recognize something is wrong, but you’re not sure what exactly—only that you feel trapped and alone. If this sounds like you, you may have perfectly hidden depression (PHD).

With this compassionate guide, you’ll begin the process of understanding your perfectionism, identifying destructive beliefs, and connecting with emotions suppressed for far too long. You’ll also find tangible tips for quieting that critical inner voice, and powerful strategies for coping with difficult feelings. Most importantly, you’ll learn that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. If you’re ready to stop hiding and start healing, this groundbreaking book will guide you—every imperfect step of the way.

Order Perfectly Hidden Depression by Margaret Robinson Rutherford PhD with a forward by Jennifer Marshall from your favorite retailer:

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“Dr. Margaret Rutherford is an amazing lecturer and trainer. She has the rare capacity to balance theoretical clarity with clinical expertise. I am very happy to have contributed to spreading her work on Perfectly Hidden Depression in Italy.
Simone Cheli, PhD, adjunct professor at the University of Florence
“She is a highly engaging speaker with an important and overlooked message for therapists and the clinicians that attend our continuing education programs.
Jeffrey Davison, LCSW-C.LISW, CEYou! LLC
Thank you for writing this book and shedding light on those of us who look like we have it all
together but who are crumbling completely inside.  We can’t see our true selves and we won’t allow
others to see us.  Your book is saving my life.  
Anonymous email
Dr. Rutherford is a great example of having high standards of practice and yet being accepting
and aware of mistakes while being humble. This is my
favorite CEU I’ve ever done.
Webinar participant

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